troubled teen...

8.07.2009

Phew, i'm done ranting.
I always wanted to be noticed, and envious my pretty friends.
But actually, being noticed, isn't a very good thing.

anyone who has anything to comments,
don't bother. *Sara, you too*
**************************************

i thought and i thought.
it was a funny thought.
and i laughed.

your a toy.
a puppet.
a castaway,
and found when needed.

tangle tangle!

let me write some stuff, 2am right into the night:

i bet most of you have heard of the story.
the story of a boy and his fence.

-allow me to repeat-

there was a boy who got bullied everyday of his pre-school days.
soon after, his temper got short and shorter.
his temper, and his anger ravaged on everyone he sees.
each time he got home bullied, he would take it out on his care giving mother.

one day, his dad came home with a big piece of fence and a bag of nail.
his dad told him that each time he is bullied and gets angry,
he would hammer a nail into the fence.

as days went pass, the amount of nail grew and grew.
as months went pass, half the fence was filled.
a year passed, the no. of nails nailed shorten on average.
his temper grew better and better.

his father saw improvements,
and he brought his son to the fence, and told him,
each time when you feel least angry, you will pull out a nail.
days went passed, weeks and months, eventually all nails are being pulled out.

he was glad, and went to his dad.
"Daddy, i have finally finished taking out all the nails."
Now, daddy asked boy to take a good look at what happened to the fence.
The boy felt his hands through each holes made into the fence.

Daddy said, "these are the marks that each time your anger left behind."
"You can take a knife, and cut somebody, no matter how many times you may apologize, there will always be a wound, a scar" daddy said.

-finished-

I remembered this story,
i try and put it into my life.
and i understood many things.

the concept is not the same,
but each time my heart got cut by words and actions,
i only smile through it.

how envious when i see others,
actually try and backstab others,
think of ways to make their life uglier,
so as a means to get back at them.

i will never get low down,
and bitch about others.
*i did before, and now i do, but only for the fun factor*
i would never go behind and stab each others back,
i wish i could do that.
i wish i could make myself so heartless and empty.
feeling-less.

and so, the reason i feel that people have the tendency to make good use of me.
saying things behind my back, like the world is to fall, ITS ROY'S FAULT, TA DA!!! *SCREAMS*

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST UNDERSTAND WHY I'M BEING STRAIGHTFORWARD? EVEN TO MY FYP TEAMMATES.
BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO GO BEHIND HIM/HER AND TELL OTHERS HOW FUCKED UP A LIFE SHE IS TO MY TEAM.
YES,I DO TELL PEOPLE HOW FUCKED UP OTHERS ARE, BUT ONLY WHEN THATS TRUTH.
AND I WOULD NEVER MANIPULATE THE TRUTH, TO PUT IT TO MY ADVANTAGE.
____________________________

allow me to vent some real nasty stuff
for the faint heart, please avoid. Its gonna be dark.

too bad your ugly.
too bad your hair causes your face such disgusting erection of acne.
too bad your short.
too bad nobody likes you, because of your attitude.
too bad your just jealous, that you don't get such nice treatments.

i bet your screaming to yourself, WHY WHY WHY, WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE FELICIA CHIN
WHY CAN'T I BE SOME SUPER HOT MODEL, AND THAT PEOPLE WILL NOTICE ME?
WHY mUST I BE SOME REAL SHORT JACKASS, WITH AN OUTRAGE OF ACNE ALL OVER MY DICKFACE, THAT PEOPLE HAS A HARD TIME LOOKING OVER?

*point that 'NEH' middle finger at u*

TOO BAD! for an insignificant figure, your nothing.
YET i'm wasting my time thinking what i should type next to best describe you.
feel proud.

___________________________________

i tell myself to grow up everyday,
i tell myself that i should not retaliate
i tell myself that i would not fight.
i tell myself that i am here to protect.

i give myself trust of my own ability.
i look upon everyone with respects,
but you with disgust.

badmouthing someone, do it infront of them.
scared? scared of getting punched and kicked at?
21st century, reasonings are the best of it.
whose still living at the 19th century where knifes and spears are used?
you dumb?

i believe with my language, my words, and people whom i mix around with,
they have trust on who i am, and would stand up for me.

i would fuck your life up, if there is any needs.
but trust this once, I give respects to even beggars,
traitors, treason-ers, convicts.
-so what, smokers are bad people?
-what about murderers? i dun see u cursing and swearing their life down?

well, call me a COWARD, but only if you got the guts to.

fading away; 2:49 AM