well, he just went back overseas today morning. he walked into my room, and looked me in the eye, with the intensity of seriousness.
so eager, ever for once, i thought he wanted to kill me. then he picked up his hand with an Ipod Nano Gen4. and said, "take it, use it, treat well."
my heart totally flew, AWESOME! There it is.
either way..
i'm ready. I have to move on now.
bloodly hell, i miss my ex gf, thats a fact, but i will move on.
great, move on! who wants a bf/gf? I play both side. ^.^
fading away; 12:29 AM
5.27.2009
and so i thought everything went well, again i dreamt of you my tinklebell.
so unreasonable, i told myself again and again, grow up! i shouted at no vain. Lee! its time for you to learn how to walk! not just going around bullshitting and talk.
** well, haven been in good shit these days. nothing seems to be a target anymore. i'm giving up! school sucks. but i cant, how i wish i can just pass on and leave the world be4. yes!! HOW I WISH, but i CAN'T.
NATO! u know? NO ACTION, TALK ONLY.
atttiude of mine been to the worst, vulgarities been raining out my mouth like bullets. i have attitude problem. shit me. i got to be mr. little timid. Yes, i have to be scared, keep my head down.
fading away; 10:56 PM
5.24.2009
i took a step, and i fell flat onto the bed. i could not hear anything at all, but a screeching pitch, screaming its way out of my ear.
I laid flat, thinking of this as my final moments, my last few minutes thinking straight before i finally pass on. The screeching sound is starting to piss me off, but to pass it off, i thought of my future events either in hell or heaven.
Flashbacks, and memories raced through ever faster than light speed. Regrets and sorrows, joys and cheers couldn't be much important than friends, but without much of a choice choosing these flashbacks, i got jammed in a "space". I looked around, and i saw my dream girl, but who is she? Shes running, faster than ever, like we are racing in a sprint run. I chased and chased...
"AHHHHHH" i looked around, and i saw her again, beside me, back faced me. Shes asleep under the dark shades under the moonlight, i couldn't help but stared at her beautiful back, with long hair and a nicely shaped figure, i blacked out.
Startled, i opened my eyes, and tilted my head up looked around and i'm back to my bedroom. my hands are cold, my body without strength, and i no longer felt pain but fear. fear that i will no longer see the bright sunlight, see my parents, shout at my friends, and love them. i fear that my gone, will bring pain to people whom once told me that they will be sad if i leave this world.
My eyes grew tired, they are closing down yet going up, like in a game of tug-o-war. I'm weak, i'm tired, and i'm restless. I'm strength-less, like a jelly wobbling, prepared to be eaten. I could no longer think well now...
Trickling down my face, was tears that held back for a long while, so this is what others say, the moments before death. I looked around my bedroom, and i saw 3 of my soft toys. I grappled every strength, i had left, and managed to pull the 3 of them into my cuddle, kissed them a last goodbye, and whispered a sweet soft goodbye, "i will miss you" was the last words i said.
(p.s. I'm tired, very worn out. I saw my bed, i fell onto it. I thought i was nearly going to die, when i was suddenly awoken 5 minutes later, realising, i haven't bathe.)
anyways, goodnight.
fading away; 1:43 AM
5.21.2009
LEE! Yes, you are officially have giddiness, fever, and soon enough getting a cold.
Reason why, i was running in the heavy rain. Full drenched, not a single part not WET!
Sick.. gotta work, FYP, UT. Shit man.
fading away; 7:53 PM
5.16.2009
check point.
there is a saying, that when you reached a point of time in your life, that you are so damned with everything, you wanna bother no shit, you just look yourself in the mirror, imaging picking up a gun, and pointing to the head, and pull the trigger dry.
you did nothing, you gave up all prides and shit, you even thought of begging, and for fuck sake Lee, nothing is coming up right at you now.
but still, Lee, you done a pretty amazing job.
at least now you feel like shit, in the future, when you leave this school, you gonna tell people, about your piece of shit pride and joy, that you did fucked up.
fading away; 11:46 PM
5.14.2009
so tired. yawns.
just when you thought that by doing something good, so just be more concern with your friends, the world would be a better place.
but nah, u are working too hard for a beautiful world. lets run from this reality.
fading away; 12:20 AM
5.11.2009
Lee, reality check time.
you saw ur ex-gf opposite your class today, with a bunch of guys, and supposedly one of those guy is her current bf, and you don't dare to look up, cause you are just such a heartbreaker that you didn't even know how to react.
you are in the same class with a girl that you broke her heart several times in the past, and she totally hates you, but yet you miss her often these days.
you are given so much pressure at work, and you got no reason why. worst still, you ain't paid the correct way you are suppose to.
you tried making yourself loved, but being nice, and make really dumb ass jokes, but none cares.
you watched 17 again, and you realized, life is so bad, and that you are gonna miss out a lot in Poly, if you don't get yourself back on feet again. you only have 1 more year to go, and you are going into reality.
i will take down problem 1 by 1, step by step.
checklist done.
I will treat u as anyone, no difference, no special. Beth, i'm tired of you not looking at me, even in class. i don't want this to affect anymore, and it will affect our studies, some day, don't say it wouldn't. Please, i'm tired, i will treat u like anyone, i won't say things that you don't like to hear, if you don't like it, tell me, so i can change. i'm not asking for anything, i just wanna be your classmate, be it, thats all.
i'm sorry i once mentioned such nasty words to you. making you my no. 1 hate list. i'm tired of school, i'm tired of working so hard, so i can get a good result and get out of here. but i have to do it, with no reason why i'm pushing on. but i want nothing to be a reason why i have already pushed so hard, and give up now.
i will do my best, and treat you as a classmate now, nothing special, nothing of past. once school time is over, let it be ok? i know u been working hard on hating me, but hate me outside class. really.. thanks.
fading away; 8:10 PM
5.10.2009
shhh, dun tell others, but i miss u again today. if not others jealous. *grins*
well, finally i fell in love with a really pretty girl idol, with a really really great voice.
and her name is Hayley Westenra.
I fell in love with her beautiful voice.
when i 1st heard, Across the universe of time, sang along with her younger sister Sophie.
I kept listening to this song, over and over and over again, when i was in China. the only voice that kept me alive then.
i'm really attracted to girls with powerful voice. nice. ^.^
many singaporeans might not know her, but she is really famous for her beautiful voice, and she sings mostly inspirational music, as such gospel songs, and so on.
1 word, WET.
_________________________________________
yet another day of tiresome at work.
customers that really played my feelings.
moody..
and i daydreamed.. running in the fields, running..
just 2 of us... how i wonder i can keep daydreaming..
yeah, but i'm pretty bastard myself,
its pretty understandable that she wants nothing of you.
so, stop trying to make people's life miserable.
yeap yeap. So i'm so gonna stop here now. no more posting regards to you.
peace out.
___________________________________
i'm looking of the bright side of life now! YES, YES, YES!
fading away; 11:54 PM
roy you know better, that you should just shut up.
_|_ thats for you, Roy.
sorry for making u feel terrible. terribly sorry.
well, i was out for a moment, and just got back.
took some really great shots, in the middle of the night.
just a decent low end Digital Still Camera (DSC)
I even tried playing with the moon.
the moon is beautiful tonight. and the mosquito did have a great time feeding off me.
fading away; 1:57 AM
5.09.2009
why am i missing you again today.
like how i would actually walk the longer way home, so i can catch a glimpse of your house.
i don't remember and understand why we are so against one another, or am i just against u?
i tried thinking of answers and questions, and i grew tired.
do you guys believe in astrology? for an example that pisces is running over hills with Saggi. Do you guys really think it might be true? man, i wished i can change that fact.
Random: but i kinda had a crazy big wide smile at work today. because i thought of something really really stupid.
"we are in this place, like you and me only, you saw me and walked pass, then i grabbed your arm, give that really really act cool look. then turn around and hugged you."
trust ah lok to think of that, what a drama action in dramas. but i did.
i'm so gonna make u an idea, a reason, of why i wanna smile today and everyday. and stop stressing over how bad my teachers pissed me in IG, how things always messed up in FYP, and how customers likes to play with my feeling at work.
you will be the reason for now. and i will keep trying for a long while.
random again: tonight's moon is nice. lets go for a walk.
fading away; 11:58 PM
5.08.2009
i'm tired of guessing game. but actually i believe i'm just living in a delusional world. i'm just having delusions.
like how much you would check out my frd's blog. like how much you would ask about my frd thru my frd's frd. or am i just having delusions.
it sounded so much like me and you. about our once many long time ago. or am i just having delusions.
guess i'm tired of guessing games. i got an intense feeling of missing you. but i won't tell you nor would i try to miss you.
like u mentioned, its just 1 more year, i would be nolonger a trouble to you.
"shhh.. shhhh.... shhhhhh.... did you hear that sniffing?"
fading away; 10:30 PM
i'm very tired. i'm so pissed with IG, FYP. i got no energy to carry on. but thinking of you, it just pushes me harder. but i want nothing of you, for fear of hurting you.
i'm falling apart soon. i don't even wanna open my eyes anymore. i'm tired... yawwnnn..
would you love someone that u hate? or hated? or tried to hate
GRRRRRRRRRRr
fading away; 11:37 PM
5.05.2009
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
i wish i can shout louder than this.
letters still kept, and read.
each time i read it, one whole piece would end up shattered.
ARGH!!!!!!! help me..
hold me, and don't let me fall.
like you promised.
like i dreamt of your promises, please don't let me go.
i really wish i can just go over and say hi, and start it all over again.
but, you just seem to walk faster than my words can reach you..
ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
HELP ME!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
saliva harder to swallow burden heavier, heart sank.
help me..
if onli i can cut out my heart, blend it, and pour it down the drain.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
fading away; 8:04 PM
i had a weird dream last night.
i wish i can tell her what happened.
i dreamt of hugging her.
weirdest dream ever.
so much like since very long did we never talk anymore..
and this kinda shit happens.
now i dun even wanna go up-close to her.
shags.
eating before sleeping really makes u dream like hell does.
fading away; 11:48 AM
5.02.2009
its just an occasional visit, and i pop by at the wrong day. letters still kept, sweets left untouched.
iwouldsay, a memory i wont forget. keep hating me put me in your hate list. don't erase it, keep doing it. i feel better. would we even talk, if we ever drop into the same team, some day..
i really don't know.
fading away; 4:30 AM
Roy.
I like R&B
Saggitarus
19+
Student
DOB231189
Republic Poly
Words of Inspiration
Once you move ahead,
there is no turning back.
And no one knows,
when will we ever talk again.
