troubled teen...

8.31.2009

i dunno what i should say to her.
talk to her about.

i used to have so much to say to anyone.
so many stories i can repeat and not feel bored.

but even my hands seems tangled when typing.
crap.

forget it. i give up.

fading away; 12:45 AM

8.27.2009

at times, i just wish i have a pair of wings.
i just want to leave this place, and fly the surface of atlantic.
cross the borders of asia
and leave this sad place alone.

fuck it boi.
i just gotta keep growing.

fading away; 11:33 PM

8.21.2009

ah foo once told me before,
that a guy friend of her said "why does all good things comes to an end?"

i quite agree.
but now, i think about it,
i will hang on hard to my "good things"
i will do my best to not let it off my sight,
not let it slip through me again.

Lee, u can do it. keep telling yourself that.
talk about it, think about it, draw about it, and do it.

jumped off bed at 3am, people would say TGIF.
but i would say, HCIF (Holy Crap It's Friday)
last day of UT for the week.

Slept since 8pm, gotta study now, i have a test in 5 hours time.

this blog used to be really dark. but crap it boi, lets lighten it up.

fading away; 3:05 AM

8.20.2009

no more Lok
back to reality.

UT days.
so many people studying so hard.
i'm watching anime!

LOL!
i bet i can pass this.
who wants to gamble?

fading away; 12:33 AM

8.18.2009

shes cute,
she is awesome.
Cheers!

fading away; 6:45 PM

8.17.2009

Born and Alive boi!

Alright, back to reality.

I miss my friends, didn't meet up with them much.

Usually Once a week, Minimum!

Ah foo, i miss KFC!

And i got a EYECANDY!

finally.. *phews*

Cute small and compact girl. but totally the attitude.

fading away; 3:14 PM

8.09.2009

2 cheers.

2 things happen today.

Cheer 1,
little bro got into an accident.
how fragile is life,

a sweet naive boy living in happiness,
a sweet boy always filled with laughter.
i remember i even taught him how to watch porn.
how to scold vulgarity.

his life is filled with games, and laughter.
his life is filled with happiness and engagement.
He would always say, "ROY!"

his like a bro to me,
even my ex classmate said that we looked like brothers.

i really missed him,
yet an irony i speak.

i just saw him on thursday,
and not even a bye bye, and his gone.

S, i will miss you.
you and your gf,
i dunno what happened,
i wish i know,
i wish i can protect you,
but i wasn't there,
i couldn't.

S, i miss you.

Cheer 2,

I'm just her killtimer,
i thought it was real.

S, i will miss you too.

Bye, S.

2 Cheers,
2 painful cheers,
2 painful thing that let me hate today.

8/8/2009 - such horror.

I think of nothing,
and i went to ICA.

its 8/8/09,
where car racers,
would race the streets of singapore.
I saw GTR, Ferrari, swift sport, wish, Evo, lancer.
no joke, they are real.

i grew up again today,
i grew up, and i hate life.
i don't want to be a hater.

God i asked for opportunities to grow up,
opportunities to be a better boy/man.
God, such tests, i'm too tired to handle.
God, i'm tired.

To my words, to my heart, i pray these in your name,
Amen.

fading away; 4:04 AM

8.07.2009

20/09/2009.
the date for my china trip.

looks familiar? 2009/2009.

you told me be4, that we should be together on the day itself.

i'm suppose to be able to let u go easily.

it seems hard.

fading away; 7:13 PM

Phew, i'm done ranting.
I always wanted to be noticed, and envious my pretty friends.
But actually, being noticed, isn't a very good thing.

anyone who has anything to comments,
don't bother. *Sara, you too*
**************************************

i thought and i thought.
it was a funny thought.
and i laughed.

your a toy.
a puppet.
a castaway,
and found when needed.

tangle tangle!

let me write some stuff, 2am right into the night:

i bet most of you have heard of the story.
the story of a boy and his fence.

-allow me to repeat-

there was a boy who got bullied everyday of his pre-school days.
soon after, his temper got short and shorter.
his temper, and his anger ravaged on everyone he sees.
each time he got home bullied, he would take it out on his care giving mother.

one day, his dad came home with a big piece of fence and a bag of nail.
his dad told him that each time he is bullied and gets angry,
he would hammer a nail into the fence.

as days went pass, the amount of nail grew and grew.
as months went pass, half the fence was filled.
a year passed, the no. of nails nailed shorten on average.
his temper grew better and better.

his father saw improvements,
and he brought his son to the fence, and told him,
each time when you feel least angry, you will pull out a nail.
days went passed, weeks and months, eventually all nails are being pulled out.

he was glad, and went to his dad.
"Daddy, i have finally finished taking out all the nails."
Now, daddy asked boy to take a good look at what happened to the fence.
The boy felt his hands through each holes made into the fence.

Daddy said, "these are the marks that each time your anger left behind."
"You can take a knife, and cut somebody, no matter how many times you may apologize, there will always be a wound, a scar" daddy said.

-finished-

I remembered this story,
i try and put it into my life.
and i understood many things.

the concept is not the same,
but each time my heart got cut by words and actions,
i only smile through it.

how envious when i see others,
actually try and backstab others,
think of ways to make their life uglier,
so as a means to get back at them.

i will never get low down,
and bitch about others.
*i did before, and now i do, but only for the fun factor*
i would never go behind and stab each others back,
i wish i could do that.
i wish i could make myself so heartless and empty.
feeling-less.

and so, the reason i feel that people have the tendency to make good use of me.
saying things behind my back, like the world is to fall, ITS ROY'S FAULT, TA DA!!! *SCREAMS*

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST UNDERSTAND WHY I'M BEING STRAIGHTFORWARD? EVEN TO MY FYP TEAMMATES.
BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO GO BEHIND HIM/HER AND TELL OTHERS HOW FUCKED UP A LIFE SHE IS TO MY TEAM.
YES,I DO TELL PEOPLE HOW FUCKED UP OTHERS ARE, BUT ONLY WHEN THATS TRUTH.
AND I WOULD NEVER MANIPULATE THE TRUTH, TO PUT IT TO MY ADVANTAGE.
____________________________

allow me to vent some real nasty stuff
for the faint heart, please avoid. Its gonna be dark.

too bad your ugly.
too bad your hair causes your face such disgusting erection of acne.
too bad your short.
too bad nobody likes you, because of your attitude.
too bad your just jealous, that you don't get such nice treatments.

i bet your screaming to yourself, WHY WHY WHY, WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE FELICIA CHIN
WHY CAN'T I BE SOME SUPER HOT MODEL, AND THAT PEOPLE WILL NOTICE ME?
WHY mUST I BE SOME REAL SHORT JACKASS, WITH AN OUTRAGE OF ACNE ALL OVER MY DICKFACE, THAT PEOPLE HAS A HARD TIME LOOKING OVER?

*point that 'NEH' middle finger at u*

TOO BAD! for an insignificant figure, your nothing.
YET i'm wasting my time thinking what i should type next to best describe you.
feel proud.

___________________________________

i tell myself to grow up everyday,
i tell myself that i should not retaliate
i tell myself that i would not fight.
i tell myself that i am here to protect.

i give myself trust of my own ability.
i look upon everyone with respects,
but you with disgust.

badmouthing someone, do it infront of them.
scared? scared of getting punched and kicked at?
21st century, reasonings are the best of it.
whose still living at the 19th century where knifes and spears are used?
you dumb?

i believe with my language, my words, and people whom i mix around with,
they have trust on who i am, and would stand up for me.

i would fuck your life up, if there is any needs.
but trust this once, I give respects to even beggars,
traitors, treason-ers, convicts.
-so what, smokers are bad people?
-what about murderers? i dun see u cursing and swearing their life down?

well, call me a COWARD, but only if you got the guts to.

fading away; 2:49 AM

8.06.2009

happiness.

if someone were to ask you, what is that?
how should you answer it?

for me:
its like a "glass".
it is always there,
always there hiding its own image.
it expresses its presences more beautifully
its existence more eloquently than anything else.

fading away; 8:44 PM

8.05.2009

i'm happy.
as long as you are happy.

i smile,
as long as you smile.

cheers!

i wont get into a relationship any time sooner.
its a no no for me.

because i know i dun have that ability to love.
for every time i touched my scars with my bare hands,
images of horror ram me down,
with such love and concern,
you never left me.

Dear God,
your nasty little me, Roy,
your nasty boy,
i pray that my friends are happy.
ah foo, gets love by one that she love.
ah bao, gets love by one that he wants.
min, to get happy and attached.
qian, to enjoy her life, as she always wanted.
Sharon, to smile as she suppose to smile. :)

God, dear god, i wish you can be by me,
guide me to be a good guy.
i always wanted to be a bad boy,
but i'm tired already.
dear god, bless love to find love.
dear god, bless sorrow to find less of it.
dear god, world peace.

i pray these hardly down on the crest of my heart,
for should i be a hater, i will cut a cross on me,
all in your name, i love you, God.

fading away; 9:19 PM

3 CHEERS.

Cheer 1:
thanks for canon singapore for their support.
thanks to swensen singapore for being the support.

thanks to the fellow friends, and a hot girl, for lunch-dinner.

Cheer 2:
thanks for my pri school mate,
j and h, for their support and a great movie we had.

Cheer 3:
thanks to M,
you woke me up from fantasy.

Hip hip, HURRAY!
Hip hip, HURRAY!
Hip hip, HURRAY!.

fading away; 12:40 AM

8.04.2009

so i read a book,
watched a movie,
performed a move.

i'm strained to the limit.
i'm tired.
school sucks.

i gotta be happy.
i gotta stop thinking.
she is running, and i'm not chasing.

i will wait.
i will be happy. =D

fading away; 12:53 AM

8.02.2009

whatever you are doing to me,
i have done to others.

when you don't dare to face it up,
you run.
that is what i always do.

i saw messages you sent to me,
i was confused,
do you mean it?
or is it a way you play?

give me a reason.
tell me why.
let me know.

you keep running away,
its very hard for me to understand.

we are friends.
don't forget :)

fading away; 10:54 PM

8.01.2009

love is a game for 2.
for i told myself never to be untrue.

sometimes i wonder,
at times i ponder.

words said,
are they repetition?
are they said under the effects of alcohol?

crabs.
she must be thinking,
why ever get tied down at this age.

i thought,
it was different, but nahx.

omg,
i fucking miss her!!!
hahahahha!
crap,
why am i lying to myself?

do i need her?
maybe.. probably.. not...

do i want her?
maybe.. probably.. no...

do i love her?
maybe.. probably.. *keep guessing*

fading away; 11:09 PM