to you, you had me wrong. i dun wan to go into relationship, cause i know u are not prepared for it. I know we have our differences, and i thought about it, why we would quarrel, why do i talk the same way to my other gurlfriends, and it's like almost everyone of them, but only u react differently, and it's been several times, and i thought about it, and i found out that you are different. You take things seriously because you care alot, and why you get fed up with me is because you do not wan to be taken lightly, like when i joke. I never ask to be ur bf, i never ask to be man, all i wan is someone there i can find, and someone there i can lean on, someone there that cares about me. and until the time when we are matured enuff, den we can think about future. but u made ur stand very very strong, if u think that what the horoscope tells everything, u are quite wrong. if u would take some time to understand what a Saggi is, he may be a half-hearted jerk, but his romantic sensibilty is stronger and harder than his playful personality.
fading away; 8:31 PM
4.12.2007
seriously school is really fun. new gurls, new enviroment, new frds, adsoluetly cool and wicked(good) people. haha. but i learned something from my class facillitator, he said that there are backstabbers and two face freaks in the school. wow.. shag. hope i wont be any of them, i wan to work harder, so i can avoid making mistakes.
anyways, ytd i met sheng yao from swiss cottage, his a really nice guy, and i am the bad guy. his shy boi boi attitude, makes me wanna love him so much, DAMN! thats gay! ok.. fine. i mean.. he has the shy shy look to keep gurls coming. Den i met Sun, his a malay, 24 this yr. His looks and body, shows signs of scars, from cuts and things. i think his a ex-traid members. but his cool. His willingness to provide in stuff, is totally wicked. Dang, i feel like i'm speaking like a geekKKK! Then there is cheryl, the pretty gurl of the class, a child of god, a veri veri good speaker. I'm amazed by her, she can really speak without thinking, and the words that comes out of her mouth are words that we will appreciate. haha. thats totally wicked eh? AGAIN, WHY IS wicked appearing so many times in my mind? DANG!! There is one more gurl, forgot her name, and she is a veri veri quiet gurl. but she gives ideas, pretty well.. thats so much of my grp members, i known ytd, 11th.
Today, is a totally tiring and mind exploding day. I shout, i ran, i did the chicken dance, but the main important thing, i was made the leader? HELL! Whats the problem, i'm really nice, i talk alot, but that doesn't make me a good leader. But still, i was really tired from all the running from places to places, and i was totally in sweat. hell. My leader was hidayatt, a veri veri nice guy from Dip in Biomedic. he has the brains, he has the body, and 1 last thing he has is the humours. But too bad, he cant talk to the china students. :P, anyways, why are chinese students from china so anti social, and so shy? i shout like amplfier, but they whisper like the wind. But the gurls are quite nice, they are quite supportive. ok.. i shall end here, wait wait! be4 i go off, there is this gurl, tall, body seems to be rather in shape, fair, short hair. good looking.. pretty good. but still.. i didn't fish.. K... i juz noticed her prescences this morning, and ytd afternoon.. and during my games, saw her several times.. yeah.. o.. btw, her name is gwen. LOl
fading away; 9:12 PM
4.09.2007
hai.. my life had a turnover in juz a few mins time. flashbacks.. everything.. mentally challenged, physically challenged, financially challenged, most of all, pressures and stress.. spritually damn low.. Z_Z I juz remenbered how 2 frds of mine, both gurls, telling me that they earn their own allowance, not taking a single cent from their parents.
i after thinking seriously back.. i really spent everything on rubbbish.. wasted money, when i haven started earning them. i feel so useless as compared to them.. haix.. i really need some reflections.. i seriously dunno even if i'm able to cope with evaxing.. and training for evaxing.. i seriously dun have the mood to listen to someone talking lecture to me or teaching me stuff.. what i'm afraid that my anger might come back again.. what i have now is a black black face.. Z_Z..
when i need some hugs and loves.. cares and concerns.. i seriously cant find one.. cant find someone to talk to me.. haix. seriously, the bear of the house, i would prove u that i'm better than u. u may win me becos u are the elder. but to talk about the killing intent.. i once held a knife infront of u, i wont mind holding another one infront of u again. dun force me to.
fading away; 4:44 PM
4.08.2007
one of the greatest song by Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore in music and lyrics.
this song is about 2 person, dreading.. thinking.. everyday.. they wan to be loved again. and they are finding a way.. becos, they feel lone, pain, and sorrow, when life is alone..
I've been living with a shadow overhead I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed I've been lonely for so long Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away Just in case I ever need em again someday I've been setting aside time To clear a little space in the corners of my mind All I want to do is find a way back into love I can't make it through without a way back into love Oh oh oh I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine I've been searching but I just don't see the signs I know that it's out there There's got to be something for my soul somewhere I've been looking for someone to shed some light Not just somebody just to get me throught the night I could use some direction And I'm open to your suggestions All I want to do is find a way back into love I can't make it through without a way back into love And if I open my heart again I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end There are moments when I don't know if it's real Or if anybody feels the way I feel I need inspiration Not just another negotiation All I want to do is find a way back into love I can't make it through without a way back into love And if I open my heart to you I'm hoping you'll show me what to do And if you help me to start again You know that I'll be there for you in the end
fading away; 5:56 PM
seriously, after VOICE, i have a change of taste on gurls. yum yum. lol!
fading away; 5:53 PM
My whole afternoon has been spent on running and exercising, once again building my muscles. My whole arm is numb and feels veri heavy. But mentally, my motivation is back! Yesh!
i been to this musical tonight, one of the leads was my cousin, and it was really good. The name of the musical was VOICE, woah, all i can say is 3 cheers to KIMMY! hip hip, HURRAY! Hiip hipp HURRAY! HIIP HiPP HURRAY!! woohooo! i enjoyed the whole musical, it's mind exploding and touching at parts to come. The musical is about how practical human beings are. after that musical, my motivation to become lean and handsome is adding onto the pressure my physical can take, but who cares? practical, as long as u are good looking, people likes u. lol! How can an ugly duckling like me every achieve that? i will do my best in all sorts of way to come. i will work harder and harder and harder juz to achieve that. and i know i can do it. someday.. anyways, once again, my cousin was really great on the stage, his role may be sissy, but his act was totally amusing and amazing! damn!
and also, tonight.. i learned about beauty.. i really saw beauty.. and it really can kill.. lol!
fading away; 12:31 AM
4.07.2007
as i passed by a blogg, my ex blog. inside her blog, i saw the way she seems to change.. the way she changed.. makes me envy her. while i'm still stucked at that pace. ok.. She likes another guy le.. hao envy her wor.. part time model.. get such good grades..
it makes me really thrashed down the drain.. but i wanna work harder.. 6 abs and pecs. i wan those.. i wan to be top of the world.
i dun think i had told much people my dream.. i wan to be a model. stop eating starts from this point! abs and pecs! bread and water for every meal! go go go!
fading away; 12:24 AM
4.06.2007
It was noon, the scorching sun shone it's ray brightly onto every household. Not even the exquiste castle of the Yang's family was spared of the raging heat. Today, it is a joyous occasion to celebrate the brith of the 10th generation of Yang. But the battle that seems to be going on in the chamber is intense, maids and servants are pacing in and out of the room with sweat like water dripping all over the floor as they walked. The dowager of the Yang household is also anticipating the arrival of the baby with anxious fear and anxiety.
But no servants and maids anxiousness, can be compared to Yang Yan Tian, the father of the baby. As he paced around the room in unease, fear and ache. Every foot that sank onto the cement floor added weight onto his half-sanked heart. But still, Yang kept his posture as a great general of Tang, his clam and confidence gave him an overall image of a undisputed champion in all areas of life.
From deep within the chamber, screams of pain so loud that even awoke the laziest pig by the farm house. Each projection of scream, brought Yang rushing into the chamber, but each time was withheld by his men. His beastly heart was clamed by the fact that he will be able to see his child and wife soon. In the corner of the room, sat a quiet gentleman, with a emotionless look on his face, as though nothing is going on. The man is Yang Yan Hu, Yang's brother.
A final scream from the chamber, came upon a deep slience. No cries or agony was heard from the room, but came a maid holding a baby. The baby neither cried nor shed a tear, rather it gave a fearless expression. The baby was male, given the name of Yang Yan Zhi.
fading away; 11:35 PM
YAY! back to normal le.. for fans of my bloggie.. the lastest post other den this.. is a random feeling of this char inside death note 2. as when watching the show, i felt her saDness.. den i decided to type down her feeling.. lol..! he he he.. lalala.. I been to CG today.. a church gathering of groups. hehe.. and i enjoyed myself, for i learned that courage is the opposite of fear, without courage, we are nothing.! YUPZ. and to the person.. i am much more enlightened den ytd, since i cannot please u the way i normally please people. muahahaa.. i am always a normal frd to u, when had u brought me above normal? LOL! oppx. hao la.. frds jiu frds lor.. i know my limits de ma.. hehe.....
as my memories flashed back.. it reminds me of u.. u are the one who brought me happiness.. u are the one who avenged my dead heart.. u are the one who brought light again to my life.. u are the one i love..
every second without u is tantamount to a life with no light.. every second that i spent waiting for u, is tantamount being on the death row.. i never know how u felt for me.. i never dared to figure it out.. "why are u treating me this way" are the words that surfaced.. every moment i think of u.. wad have i done wrong to deserve this treatment.. all i wan is ur happiness.. spending every moment to share the happiness, the sorrow.. i never dared to ask for more, den juz the acceptance.
The moment i saw u falling into pieces my heart cracked... how i wish i can accompany ur pain.. how i wish i can take away the pain, and make it mine.. how i wish that u would stop feeling pain, and feel the happiness that i'm left with.. how i wish.. how i wish.. how i wish..
but the cold, the empty, the lone, that u gave me.. hurts me every moment.. how i wish that i'm as good as dead..
fading away; 12:04 AM
4.04.2007
i never asked for anything of us further den frds. i dun ask for much, juz acceptance of who i am. ur happiness, u being happy every moment, is doing sth for me. i do not know why u are treating me this way. am i really that a bothersome to u? does making me feel terrible a form of enjoyment for u? if yesh, tell me. i will make myself more terrible, for u can be happy.
fading away; 11:32 PM
4.03.2007
As i lie on the bed of rocks, i kept my eyes on the full moon. As I howled towards the sea, a song of sorrow. *wolves howl, esp loud during full moon*
Suddenly My vision on the moon blurrs. as tears rolled down my cheek, my vision of the moon regains.
As the howl echos thru the night, bits and pieces of me died inside.
Who would rmb the pain that we have gone thru? Who would bother to care what we have gone thru? Everyone is selfish, who isn't?
fading away; 11:28 PM
unconditional love.. everyone says that it's impossible, for anyone to provide, and i fully agree on it. But i know of someone, others comment him as something, he is my father, my god. Wanna know why God gives unconditional love?
To christian, how many times have u broken ur promise towards god, but u never suffer death, due to his love? How many times have you made sins, (lust, gluttony, and the rest of those sins) but still God forgave u?
To non-believers, God loves us. He gave us freedom, and the onli of his to suffer, because he wans us to know that he loves us. He gave us the freedom to choose other idols, to pray to other god, but not onli HIM. He did no restriction, he is the God, he can take away the freedom given to us. But still, he is willing to be saD, willing to see how his people commit sins, and look upon the idols as God, comparing to his status. He crys everyday, for pain that suffered by his people, but but but, he still loves us that deeply. Dun shoot me back with satan, he may cre8 satan, but how many a times, did he protect us at the moment death knocks on the door? How many a times, can u people think back, when death is near, yet u survive.
Drinking, and making oneselves drunk is a childish way to escape from pain and reality. yyan is right.
fading away; 3:17 AM
Roy.
I like R&B
Saggitarus
19+
Student
DOB231189
Republic Poly
Words of Inspiration
Once you move ahead,
there is no turning back.
And no one knows,
when will we ever talk again.
