troubled teen...

5.29.2007

all these whiles, what have i been trying to achieve? Fishing? being a fisher to satisfy my lost? lost of what? lost of friends? what do i want? whats my target?

why cant i just express? why cant i am given a chance to express? it's compressing down on me, crushing me piece by piece, i'm dying off soon. help me.. i cant breathe, i cant think, i just wan to grasp for air, but where the air when i opened my mouth, where are they?

to you:
You spoke about those hurts i given to u,
i spoke about how lousy i am..
I can only say i am sorry.
Let me ans ur questions why i didn't like to reply u.
Your msges, every single msges that u sent me brought spikes along.
I felt like a dumb reading those msges.
It hurts, i cared no more.
I didn't even know how to reply those msges.
Then u keep saying how bad i am for not replying those msges, how i didn't cared about, but have u thought how bad it felt.
U put pressure into people, to make them accept things or facts.
i wanna speak no more how i feel about u.
Several times i step down, i didnt even wan to reply u, because i am afraid i would send u the wrong things again, and more misunderstandings.. i am tired of it all.
lazy to bother. U just like to make people feel guilty and make them upset. or mayb not others that u care, but me. me alone. I bother none.

fading away; 12:30 PM

5.26.2007

Life has its up and down. I recently had a dream, not a vision but a very very weird one. It's about fate, Yuan Fen! Do you believe in fate? Do you think that fate does exist? I haven felt it's prescene, so i do not still believe it's existence..

O_o.. What exactly is fate, when will fate come to us?

I had a talk with Shep ytd, and we had a men's talk. ANd i found out that i am at the wrong side of the river.

Can only get a gf at the age of 25, and a christian girlfriend who stands strong in God. Haix, damn.

fading away; 12:53 AM

5.22.2007

so stress so stress, himyi and carmen are so stressed up. Ahhh!! they 2 stress, i also stress. Wei qing fan nao. how? how? Himyi, dun upset le la, work stress can be easily endured as long as u find laughter in class. Carmen, dun sad also la, just one downfall, u still young, got other chances of relationship out there. oh My!

My own stuff also never settle, and i am helping 2 angels sister of mine to solve theirs. Plz be spiritually strong, i will be there if u need a ear eh.. :D

fading away; 9:21 PM

5.21.2007

Life is just weird. Hey carmen darling, we been friends so many years, and i never saw u feel so saaD be4. Crying over a guy.

I have to say, some people are worth the cry, some aint
Just like ME! I dun worth anyone's tear.
life is just so adnormal. Like Himyi darling, she is so stressed up at school.
But still she is in love with this guy.. and for so many years, she never told this guy about her love. And i pity her so much when i see her so emo over him.. :(

And it's really been weird. Some people may find me disgusting or very hard to hang along with. But have you ever thought the problem lies in you urself. For if u do not know ur problem, u can come and ask me, but dun expect me to hold back what i am suppose to say.

Class is suppose to be fun. But i feel so empty within me. I look for God, and i found my answer, just hang on, and your time will come.
My friends, where are u? Where are you my friends, i dun even feel that i actually have friends can care. Nelson is still a very caring brother, at least his encouragements while i'm sick, brings me back to life.

Shepherd said that if go into relationship, sure break away from God. Haix.. aint i suppose to keep away from woman? These times i have been trying so hard to achieve, are going down the drain? i seriously dunno. i feel so strained. i feel like as if i cannot continue on.

Yesterday i went out with my classmates to sentosa, so Fun.. that was when i realised where are my friends.. where are my "true friends", friends that left a mark in our life.. where did they go.. i really dunno... i feel so tired always trying to look for them, but where are they.. do i have to search for them? will they search for me? why do we have so much to joke about when we meet, but after that, we seem like eternity away.. i feel like i can't talk to anybody about anything.

PS: bro went hanging out with a AUNTIE!! AHAHAHAH! xD

fading away; 9:04 PM

5.12.2007

Yesh! Yesh it's finally working.. WOOHOOO.. alright alright alright..
Anyways i just wanna say i dyed my hair, it's brown + gold, but dull de. Now become ugly le.. even more like a ugly duckling.. saD saD.. :( HAIX.. Anyways, i now very seldom go out and spend money le.. today going to church.. i miss my frds.. BR now also dun care me.. Sara also dun care de lor :P, Qian de ong come back le.. Big bro have exam, Kok wei and i very seldom contact.. My holidays coming soon.. Now always with new bunch of frds.. even so.. not very close..

older frds are better frds.big bro, i miss u man.. not very close with my church brothers and sisters.. now peng hee ask me, i also feel very sian to hang out, cause need to finish work be4 i can go out.. starting to feel very sian liaox lor.. ka0x..i really miss the times when we would play pool, den go eat, den go lan game.. but i feel that those kind of life so meaningless.. but is it the other kind of life i should look for? Doing ard playing pranks on people? Pouring paints into the house of other people.. those days are so childish.. but fun.. But.. i am too tired for it.. now ask me to game, SIAN HALF. I feel like travelling, feel like running away from this place.. i feel so trapped, i miss those times at chalet with Fantastica.. But now seems rather broken apart liaox. haha.. I blur liao la.. but still, i miss my big bro giving my leture. Haha, i miss laughing at big bro's silly actions. I miss going out on movie with qian, i miss eating suki with br and wendy, i miss those times when me and nel compete with one another who more guts..i miss my childhood.. i miss alot of things.. but time cannot move back. i have grown up, now i cannot look back, i can only face future, thus no derision would come my way.

fading away; 2:09 PM

Erm testing testing one 2 3, are u working?

fading away; 2:09 PM

5.06.2007

fading away; 12:59 PM