each time i thought back, about my past, about the intent , the "want", the feel, to do something gre8, to have a gf, to be loved by someone. it's been 2 yrs, since i last felt it. all i wan is the eyes of the public to turn to my direction, i try to look stupid, i try to be the real me. but each time, my frds say that it's disgracing them. ha. those are my past. I keep telling people that, since it's the past, put it behind a locket, and lock it up. since we are living in the present, we have to constant move on. i was able to say, but unable to do so. haix.
how long has it been ? how long has it been, since i last expected something from u, K? everytime i think of u, the cut up heart, would bleed again. each time my heart reminds myself of u, the scars darkens and deepens. it's veri painful. it's veri veri painful, ever since the last time i fell from heaven to earth again, i stop myself from expecting more gurls. i looked back into my past, and did some reflection, everything was my fault. no one else, but my own fault, my own fault that i did not start hating u, but forgiving u.
To yienn, i know u will never read this post. i complained to the whole world, how much i hate u, how much i dislike u, after we broke up. so much so that i can kill u, by using those words. i'm wrong, i was in the wrong. i expected too much from u, mayb everyone who knows about our relationship or even heard from both side the story, they might even think that u are in the wrong, cause i really did my best. but no.. i'm still in the wrong, i brought u to such agony, i'm sorry. the main reason we broke up, was not becos of what, mayb the true reason behind it, is that i need a break. we need a break. we need to know what we are thinking.. yeah..
to bro, i finally realised why denise would be treating u this way. cause i juz had it.. and i know it's a painful experience. Denise is in love with someone else, and she plainly took u as a frd.. but u took it seriously, even when u constantly remind urself that u cannot fall in love. When u cared so much for her, it's a human nature to expect something back. that is why, u are expecting alot from her, while mayb she is someone who isn't a expert in this field, did not know how to react, so reacted childishly. don't blame her.. The problem : u rushed into things, u didn't make clear what she really wans. i think.. bro.. u should apologise to her, as i certainly feel that, u are making life hard for her.. and urself. also, tell her what i told u, ONLI IF U FEEL THAT WHAT I TOLD U ARE ALL CORRECT. as i dunno what u are thinking, that is juz a guess.
i did my reflection, eric told me, since i have suffered so much pain be4, it's time i enjoy.. this isn't enuff. I wish i can undergo cold turkey (those drug addict undergo, when they wan to kick the habit), feeling the thousand worms crawling within me.. how i wish i can be hammered on a bed of nails. the pain within me is unbearable. so much unbearable, i onli feel numb, it's really been long since i last being curdled.
i may sound pathetic, but i dun expect u to care for me, for what i'm going thru.. but rather, for who i am.. ah, whatever, who cares?
fading away; 7:06 PM
Roy.
I like R&B
Saggitarus
19+
Student
DOB231189
Republic Poly
Words of Inspiration
Once you move ahead,
there is no turning back.
And no one knows,
when will we ever talk again.
