again

2011-05-17T15:29:00.001+08:00

回憶過去痛苦的相思忘不了
為何你還來撥動我心跳
愛你怎麼能了
今夜的你應該明暸
緣難了情難了.

after so long, why bother.
why come back, tell me shit, and leave me.
why do you have to be here.

goaway
gofar
comebacknomore

2010-08-01T01:39:00.001+08:00

*cough cough*

haha.. hello :)

wow, so much has been going on.

hello again :)

2010-01-31T23:29:00.003+08:00

Dear Blog/God/Emotions,

today i come to you, in forgiveness, i have done myself proud is being an idiot.

Hayley Westenra - creator of hauntingly beautiful music.

Out of a sudden shot, emotions came running.

I'm going to graduate soon, and i realized i have done nothing proud of myself during my poly life.

3 good long years, and it passed like it was yesterday.

I did an achievement - breaking my ex's heart, and she hates me.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Dear blog,

I come upon you, knees bent, heads down.

In sorrow, i write words that bleed.

In pain, i drew death.

In lone, i think of nothing.

In darkness, i cried.

I'm sad, i need a friend.

I need someone that understands, and open my heart.

I need someone to cut open this piece of stoned heart.

Must be wondering since that i'm aware, can't i just open up?

Comeon, Player by nature, how can i do it?

And what i need last thing is an S.

2009-11-03T10:03:00.002+08:00

today, i came online.
without a doubt, i would always grab the mouse, and point it at the Mozilla Firefox.
with a harsh click, i was on the world wide web.

WWW is a very very big thing, *for idiots who do not know*
you can search for the latest news, the history, and even the future!

My hands for itchy, so i decided to type some stuff on the Google toolbar available by default thanks to Mozilla, they made my days easier when i get kinky, and type single hand.

Well, a list of webs came up, i got excited! I could not control my excitement of rage, i decided to let it all out. Then i started mumbling, "Men do less than they ought,
unless they do all they can.", "Let thy words be few."

Yes, i could not help with the excitement i saw on the web, and yes, i finally found the one i'm looking for! Perfection!

"Hope is the dream of a man awake."

A very very beautiful inspirational quote for my early morning!

2009-10-07T00:10:00.003+08:00

made a wall, thicker than any titanium.
layer of wall made, afraid to move on.

you cut my heart out,
tore it apart.

today you told me that you like me.
tomorrow you say i'm paranoid.

i felt your playtoy.
and i'm not over you.

2009-09-06T23:37:00.000+08:00

thank you for that strong pillar.
u been a great support.

at times i'm really selfish.
but i made a decision, to, not fall back.

i am being someone i dun even see myself as.
do it hard boi.

i may be just a boi, in many eyes.
but i know where i stand.

i may use harsh approach on certain things,
but its all for people's good.

i dun need any victory statement or trophy.
a smile is good enuff.

thanks to that pillar,
u gave me ideas, even though u are sarcastic.
without that pillar, seriously,
i dun even know where i'm standing now.

ur great! i hoped that i can be ur bb-ff.
but sadly so, i'm not gonna be selfish!

cheers to friends whose always been a support.
u guys sucks and rocks. both ways.

2009-08-31T00:45:00.000+08:00

i dunno what i should say to her.
talk to her about.

i used to have so much to say to anyone.
so many stories i can repeat and not feel bored.

but even my hands seems tangled when typing.
crap.

forget it. i give up.

2009-08-27T23:33:00.000+08:00

at times, i just wish i have a pair of wings.
i just want to leave this place, and fly the surface of atlantic.
cross the borders of asia
and leave this sad place alone.

fuck it boi.
i just gotta keep growing.

2009-08-21T03:05:00.000+08:00

ah foo once told me before,
that a guy friend of her said "why does all good things comes to an end?"

i quite agree.
but now, i think about it,
i will hang on hard to my "good things"
i will do my best to not let it off my sight,
not let it slip through me again.

Lee, u can do it. keep telling yourself that.
talk about it, think about it, draw about it, and do it.

jumped off bed at 3am, people would say TGIF.
but i would say, HCIF (Holy Crap It's Friday)
last day of UT for the week.

Slept since 8pm, gotta study now, i have a test in 5 hours time.

this blog used to be really dark. but crap it boi, lets lighten it up.

2009-08-20T00:33:00.000+08:00

no more Lok
back to reality.

UT days.
so many people studying so hard.
i'm watching anime!

LOL!
i bet i can pass this.
who wants to gamble?

2009-08-18T18:45:00.001+08:00

shes cute,
she is awesome.
Cheers!

2009-08-17T15:14:00.003+08:00

Born and Alive boi!

Alright, back to reality.

I miss my friends, didn't meet up with them much.

Usually Once a week, Minimum!

Ah foo, i miss KFC!

And i got a EYECANDY!

finally.. *phews*

Cute small and compact girl. but totally the attitude.

2009-08-09T04:04:00.000+08:00

2 cheers.

2 things happen today.

Cheer 1,
little bro got into an accident.
how fragile is life,

a sweet naive boy living in happiness,
a sweet boy always filled with laughter.
i remember i even taught him how to watch porn.
how to scold vulgarity.

his life is filled with games, and laughter.
his life is filled with happiness and engagement.
He would always say, "ROY!"

his like a bro to me,
even my ex classmate said that we looked like brothers.

i really missed him,
yet an irony i speak.

i just saw him on thursday,
and not even a bye bye, and his gone.

S, i will miss you.
you and your gf,
i dunno what happened,
i wish i know,
i wish i can protect you,
but i wasn't there,
i couldn't.

S, i miss you.

Cheer 2,

I'm just her killtimer,
i thought it was real.

S, i will miss you too.

Bye, S.

2 Cheers,
2 painful cheers,
2 painful thing that let me hate today.

8/8/2009 - such horror.

I think of nothing,
and i went to ICA.

its 8/8/09,
where car racers,
would race the streets of singapore.
I saw GTR, Ferrari, swift sport, wish, Evo, lancer.
no joke, they are real.

i grew up again today,
i grew up, and i hate life.
i don't want to be a hater.

God i asked for opportunities to grow up,
opportunities to be a better boy/man.
God, such tests, i'm too tired to handle.
God, i'm tired.

To my words, to my heart, i pray these in your name,
Amen.

2009-08-07T19:13:00.000+08:00

20/09/2009.
the date for my china trip.

looks familiar? 2009/2009.

you told me be4, that we should be together on the day itself.

i'm suppose to be able to let u go easily.

it seems hard.

2009-08-07T02:49:00.000+08:00

Phew, i'm done ranting.
I always wanted to be noticed, and envious my pretty friends.
But actually, being noticed, isn't a very good thing.

anyone who has anything to comments,
don't bother. *Sara, you too*
**************************************

i thought and i thought.
it was a funny thought.
and i laughed.

your a toy.
a puppet.
a castaway,
and found when needed.

tangle tangle!

let me write some stuff, 2am right into the night:

i bet most of you have heard of the story.
the story of a boy and his fence.

-allow me to repeat-

there was a boy who got bullied everyday of his pre-school days.
soon after, his temper got short and shorter.
his temper, and his anger ravaged on everyone he sees.
each time he got home bullied, he would take it out on his care giving mother.

one day, his dad came home with a big piece of fence and a bag of nail.
his dad told him that each time he is bullied and gets angry,
he would hammer a nail into the fence.

as days went pass, the amount of nail grew and grew.
as months went pass, half the fence was filled.
a year passed, the no. of nails nailed shorten on average.
his temper grew better and better.

his father saw improvements,
and he brought his son to the fence, and told him,
each time when you feel least angry, you will pull out a nail.
days went passed, weeks and months, eventually all nails are being pulled out.

he was glad, and went to his dad.
"Daddy, i have finally finished taking out all the nails."
Now, daddy asked boy to take a good look at what happened to the fence.
The boy felt his hands through each holes made into the fence.

Daddy said, "these are the marks that each time your anger left behind."
"You can take a knife, and cut somebody, no matter how many times you may apologize, there will always be a wound, a scar" daddy said.

-finished-

I remembered this story,
i try and put it into my life.
and i understood many things.

the concept is not the same,
but each time my heart got cut by words and actions,
i only smile through it.

how envious when i see others,
actually try and backstab others,
think of ways to make their life uglier,
so as a means to get back at them.

i will never get low down,
and bitch about others.
*i did before, and now i do, but only for the fun factor*
i would never go behind and stab each others back,
i wish i could do that.
i wish i could make myself so heartless and empty.
feeling-less.

and so, the reason i feel that people have the tendency to make good use of me.
saying things behind my back, like the world is to fall, ITS ROY'S FAULT, TA DA!!! *SCREAMS*

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST UNDERSTAND WHY I'M BEING STRAIGHTFORWARD? EVEN TO MY FYP TEAMMATES.
BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO GO BEHIND HIM/HER AND TELL OTHERS HOW FUCKED UP A LIFE SHE IS TO MY TEAM.
YES,I DO TELL PEOPLE HOW FUCKED UP OTHERS ARE, BUT ONLY WHEN THATS TRUTH.
AND I WOULD NEVER MANIPULATE THE TRUTH, TO PUT IT TO MY ADVANTAGE.
____________________________

allow me to vent some real nasty stuff
for the faint heart, please avoid. Its gonna be dark.

too bad your ugly.
too bad your hair causes your face such disgusting erection of acne.
too bad your short.
too bad nobody likes you, because of your attitude.
too bad your just jealous, that you don't get such nice treatments.

i bet your screaming to yourself, WHY WHY WHY, WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE FELICIA CHIN
WHY CAN'T I BE SOME SUPER HOT MODEL, AND THAT PEOPLE WILL NOTICE ME?
WHY mUST I BE SOME REAL SHORT JACKASS, WITH AN OUTRAGE OF ACNE ALL OVER MY DICKFACE, THAT PEOPLE HAS A HARD TIME LOOKING OVER?

*point that 'NEH' middle finger at u*

TOO BAD! for an insignificant figure, your nothing.
YET i'm wasting my time thinking what i should type next to best describe you.
feel proud.

___________________________________

i tell myself to grow up everyday,
i tell myself that i should not retaliate
i tell myself that i would not fight.
i tell myself that i am here to protect.

i give myself trust of my own ability.
i look upon everyone with respects,
but you with disgust.

badmouthing someone, do it infront of them.
scared? scared of getting punched and kicked at?
21st century, reasonings are the best of it.
whose still living at the 19th century where knifes and spears are used?
you dumb?

i believe with my language, my words, and people whom i mix around with,
they have trust on who i am, and would stand up for me.

i would fuck your life up, if there is any needs.
but trust this once, I give respects to even beggars,
traitors, treason-ers, convicts.
-so what, smokers are bad people?
-what about murderers? i dun see u cursing and swearing their life down?

well, call me a COWARD, but only if you got the guts to.

2009-08-06T20:44:00.002+08:00

happiness.

if someone were to ask you, what is that?
how should you answer it?

for me:
its like a "glass".
it is always there,
always there hiding its own image.
it expresses its presences more beautifully
its existence more eloquently than anything else.

2009-08-05T21:19:00.000+08:00

i'm happy.
as long as you are happy.

i smile,
as long as you smile.

cheers!

i wont get into a relationship any time sooner.
its a no no for me.

because i know i dun have that ability to love.
for every time i touched my scars with my bare hands,
images of horror ram me down,
with such love and concern,
you never left me.

Dear God,
your nasty little me, Roy,
your nasty boy,
i pray that my friends are happy.
ah foo, gets love by one that she love.
ah bao, gets love by one that he wants.
min, to get happy and attached.
qian, to enjoy her life, as she always wanted.
Sharon, to smile as she suppose to smile. :)

God, dear god, i wish you can be by me,
guide me to be a good guy.
i always wanted to be a bad boy,
but i'm tired already.
dear god, bless love to find love.
dear god, bless sorrow to find less of it.
dear god, world peace.

i pray these hardly down on the crest of my heart,
for should i be a hater, i will cut a cross on me,
all in your name, i love you, God.

2009-08-05T00:40:00.003+08:00

3 CHEERS.

Cheer 1:
thanks for canon singapore for their support.
thanks to swensen singapore for being the support.

thanks to the fellow friends, and a hot girl, for lunch-dinner.

Cheer 2:
thanks for my pri school mate,
j and h, for their support and a great movie we had.

Cheer 3:
thanks to M,
you woke me up from fantasy.

Hip hip, HURRAY!
Hip hip, HURRAY!
Hip hip, HURRAY!.

2009-08-04T00:53:00.003+08:00

so i read a book,
watched a movie,
performed a move.

i'm strained to the limit.
i'm tired.
school sucks.

i gotta be happy.
i gotta stop thinking.
she is running, and i'm not chasing.

i will wait.
i will be happy. =D

2009-08-02T22:54:00.000+08:00

whatever you are doing to me,
i have done to others.

when you don't dare to face it up,
you run.
that is what i always do.

i saw messages you sent to me,
i was confused,
do you mean it?
or is it a way you play?

give me a reason.
tell me why.
let me know.

you keep running away,
its very hard for me to understand.

we are friends.
don't forget :)

2009-08-01T23:09:00.000+08:00

love is a game for 2.
for i told myself never to be untrue.

sometimes i wonder,
at times i ponder.

words said,
are they repetition?
are they said under the effects of alcohol?

crabs.
she must be thinking,
why ever get tied down at this age.

i thought,
it was different, but nahx.

omg,
i fucking miss her!!!
hahahahha!
crap,
why am i lying to myself?

do i need her?
maybe.. probably.. not...

do i want her?
maybe.. probably.. no...

do i love her?
maybe.. probably.. *keep guessing*

2009-07-31T18:57:00.002+08:00

i knew a girl, and i like her.

shes hot, and pretty.

but she isn't mine to call.

yawns, only when i thought things was getting real.
i thought its time to reciprocate.

"paranoid" - took me down.

guess, i just have to accept the fact, that i love Singlehood.

come on, i just realized today, i miss so much friends.

so much more hot girls.. *droollllsss*

i didn't realize 1 thing too, my class is infested with hot cheena girls!!! with a hot ass.

damn bitch, i can't understand wtf i was doing.

ok, WILL.I.AM, aint better than PLAYER.I.AM
- Lok on the loose.

period.

2009-07-30T22:51:00.000+08:00

i have never asked for a 10 minutes.

today i took 17 minutes.

roy, u can be a better lover than this.

Roy Jiayou!

2009-07-29T21:12:00.000+08:00

all i wanted is a bit of sugar.
all i really wanted is just a bit of sugar is this bitter coffee.
why wouldn't you just let me have that bit of it.
why do have to be so cruel, to take away that sugar that i wanted.
alittlebit, just alittlebit, i ask for nothing, but that bit of sugar.
i know i will ask for more, i know its addictive, but i just wan alittlebit.

its so bitter here, so bitter i couldn't cry.
so bitter, nothing makes it better.
work, school, they are just making it worst.
you tempted me with sugar,
now u are taking it away.
i just want to know.. why..

alittlebit, please please please, i beg you.
please!!! i just wan alittlebit of it.
you mend my melted heart,
now you crush it again.
the promised sugar, the promised wonderland.
the promised sugar, the promised neverland.

its so bitter here, i'm drowning.
its so bitter here, i'm dying.
all i ask for just alittlebit of sugar. can you give me?

2009-07-28T13:53:00.002+08:00

rawrs.. rah rah rah rah!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
IAHSGiuyasg;d7augtsmbdq3w8oubd u128643tE%W&#^$I*OP^OY:!I Y@"(!PWT@!&T*(YW
*QG
S*)Y(Y)*! YT)(*!YU(PWY!
(Y *TE*&
^O *&# !T#O!#T*O!T# *!Y# (P#Y
#YP(!WPOSyOUGIA USDGF;8QWYDHWQOIHBDAJKWDGBUASKGDIUAHQDQKAJHSLADUINWOUBDUQWDHAUSKJBDCAUKSVGD UWAGDAUQWDGGASKJGDUASGDASOUD ASDO
ASD IASDGHASUDGASUDIASO
DASDG
D9ASGDOIASGD
OIASDH

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

_______________________________________

phew... RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

your out.. out again.. out of your hiding..

its your time to perform already.

2009-07-27T02:50:00.000+08:00

that beautiful eyes, seductive and mesmerizing.
that wide smile, gracious and attractive.
that features, drooling and lustful.
uncontrollably, i knew shes the one.

days and days, i crawled in.
days after days, i drew near to that cave, they call love.
like always, i thought, i was good.
like always, i thought, it was just any girl.
regretfully, i felt sorry for myself.

Roy, you are a played-boy.
a boy whom got played, but not a player yourself.
you thought you were once,
but when you hear stories of others,
you felt like a virgin ever for once.

________________________________________

i like holding yours hands.
my heart beat faster than usual whenever you held it like this.
my legs wobble, when your hands and mine cross.

the kick got worst, when we hugged.
like never before had i such a warm welcome.

the pace just shot up,
when you kissed me on the cheek.

my heart stopped, with a heavy explosion
when we kissed on the lips for the very 1st time,
it maybe just some back alley, but a heavy implosion.

_______________________________________

"Got customer say i handsome" - Roy

*giggles* - Roy

"They said that, so they can get a cheaper deal" - Ah Lian&Penny

*hearts broken* - Roy

"WEI!!! ENOUGH HOR, i is shuai de kay" - Roy

*HEads held up* - Roy

"of course handsome la, but still nobody want" - Ahlian&Penny

*Crack crack crack, heart broken* - Roy

enough of these stuff.

i like dating :)
anyone up for a movie date, harry potter?

2009-07-15T20:30:00.001+08:00

My blog has been spied by B.

i'm using Initials instead now (got the idea from B.)

2009-07-08T15:16:00.001+08:00

"Trying to rationalize with irrational people is a waste of time. Your friends don't need explanations and your enemies won't believe you anyway. So just look at the source, laugh and move on. It makes your life much simpler. ♥"

<< got this from a status comment on my friend's side.

2009-07-08T01:58:00.003+08:00

its like an adrenaline rush everyday.
its getting weird.
the more i read it, the more weird i feel.
i haven had this feeling so strong and tight already.
a bond so strong, enough to take down an elephant.

feeling damn tired.
sad and gone.

2009-06-30T23:27:00.002+08:00

transformer was so good, one word to describe it.

ORGASMIC

every single part was very detailed, and well explained.

i manage to spot few scenes where the CGI wasn't very much well-done. but it was like.. 3/1000 scenes?

Steven Spielberg did it once again, amazing us, and hands down to Michael Bay.

I can't get enough from such legendary director.

2009-06-23T17:45:00.002+08:00

" 我的心痛竟是你的快乐
其实我不想对你恋恋不舍
但什么让我辗转反侧
不觉我说着说着天就亮了
我的唇角尝到一种苦涩
我是真的为你哭了
你是真的随他走了
就在这一刻
全世界伤心角色又多了我一个
我是真的为你爱了
你是真的跟他走了" - 张学友心如刀割

you sometimes its really easy,
when someone can just move on by changing girlfriends.
one of my classmate, his not flirt, but just playful.. or maybe not.. i dunno.
he changes girlfriends like on average 1 very 2 month? or 3 month?
but once, i saw a picture dropping out of his wallet.
his ex-gf which i knew.

i realized something, however what we are,
there is a part of us that still clings on to something.
i wanna cry out loud, but i dunno how to shed one.

"I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made

But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit
That it's all coming back to me" - Celine Dion It's all coming back to me now

when i see the things that u gave me,
read through the things u gave me,
its all coming back to me now.

I broke my promise,
i broke another promise,
broke my own promise, telling that i would move on.

i'm useless ain't I, people call me Ah lok a.k.a Casanovia a.K.a Playboy.
yet i rejected so many. haha! i fucking miss you. I'm jealous.. so jealous.

2009-06-09T18:04:00.007+08:00

i had a little too much to drink the previous week.

on friday night, Miss Santa pop by, and dropped a package over behind the flowerpod.

nice nice, ain't she. that was like.. 9 - 10? She thought i was home, but i was out clubbing.

Shake ah Shake.

It was really the sweetest thing, especially when i have work the next day.

I called it the Chicken Thingy, and Miss Santa laughed :( Correct ma, Ji Qing, sounds like Chicken Thingy.

And a little something to sweeten the taste for the aftermath.
My heart melted. *Smirks*

_____

Sunday night, when i got back from work, had supper with manager and baoyu, met up with Sara and CuteCute (Know who? ^.^)

As we were playing around with the strap thing that Sara had from her new bag, she made me a ring.

Too big, so i asked her to tighten and she forgot to passed me back.
I just made a casual remark due to the "IN" thing, "You Owe Me Something".

She bought me a RING! Oh my god. That is like the sweetest thing ever.

Ha, it looks nice.

But for now, i have to say goodbye to my Playboy.
It has accompanied thru my thick and thin. I respect.

**************************

YAHOOO!!!! SARAFOO BOUGHT ME A RING! COOL MAN!
WE AIN'T GETTING MARRIED, DUN WORRY.

AND SO I MADE A PACT, I WOULD GUARD SARA, UNTIL THE DAY SHE FOUND HER PARTNER. *Woohoo Sara's FLying*

I WILL LOVE HER, AND NOT GET A GF, UNTIL SHE GETS A BF. A PACT, A PROMISE. *Fly High High*

I DUN EVEN TREAT AHBAO THAT GOOD, AS I TREAT YOU. LOVE YOU ONLY AH. *FLEW NEAR HEAVEN*

AND I'M SERIOUS ABOUT THIS PACT, SO AHFOO IF YOU SEE THIS, PLEASE FASTER GET A BF AH, DUN WAIT UNTIL YOU OLD ALREADY GOT COBWEBS, STILL NOT OUT. *Drop down!!! HA!*

That will be you, if you still dun find 1. *DEAD*

HAHA! K la Foo, love u many many the much.

FOR THOSE WHO WANTS TO SEE THE CLUBBING PICTURES, CHECK OUT http://sarally.blogspot.com

2009-06-05T19:46:00.000+08:00

clubbed on wednesday, double O, saw Mickey, saw Fiona. My god.

Drank and Sing ytd, Jialat.

on both occassion, i got to wake up early tml morning at 8, for FYP.

today, i'm already, almost dead, had fyp since 9 till 5. GOD.

and my best frds are asking me to CLUB AGAIN! DOuble O AGAIN!

go also no pretty girl.. XD k la, ah foo pretty, but i dun like, lei long lei long

2009-06-03T00:02:00.002+08:00

u are suppose to live a discreet life.
u got a comfy bed room(tomyself),
a user-friendly laptop, with a 22" screen tv as your monitor.
you got a handphone, that is nice to use.
a wallet given by your bro, with no hardcash in it.
you got 3 softtoys accompanying you to bed everynight.

what else do you want?
Nissan Fairlady?
A bed so big, that fits you, in a third of the corner?
a screen so big, that you have to be 10 m away?

there should always be a limit to everything.

losers complain, winners champion.

2009-05-31T00:29:00.003+08:00

dad came home from overseas just on wed.

seen him total 1 week since jan1st.

thats pretty short.. yeah..

well, he just went back overseas today morning.
he walked into my room,
and looked me in the eye, with the intensity of seriousness.

so eager, ever for once, i thought he wanted to kill me.
then he picked up his hand with an Ipod Nano Gen4.
and said, "take it, use it, treat well."

my heart totally flew, AWESOME! There it is.

either way..

i'm ready. I have to move on now.

bloodly hell, i miss my ex gf, thats a fact, but i will move on.

great, move on! who wants a bf/gf? I play both side. ^.^

2009-05-27T22:56:00.002+08:00

and so i thought everything went well,
again i dreamt of you my tinklebell.

so unreasonable, i told myself again and again,
grow up! i shouted at no vain.
Lee! its time for you to learn how to walk!
not just going around bullshitting and talk.

**
well, haven been in good shit these days.
nothing seems to be a target anymore.
i'm giving up! school sucks.
but i cant, how i wish i can just pass on and leave the world be4.
yes!! HOW I WISH, but i CAN'T.

NATO! u know? NO ACTION, TALK ONLY.

atttiude of mine been to the worst,
vulgarities been raining out my mouth like bullets.
i have attitude problem. shit me.
i got to be mr. little timid.
Yes, i have to be scared, keep my head down.

2009-05-24T01:43:00.005+08:00

i took a step, and i fell flat onto the bed.
i could not hear anything at all, but a screeching pitch, screaming its way out of my ear.

I laid flat, thinking of this as my final moments, my last few minutes thinking straight before i finally pass on. The screeching sound is starting to piss me off, but to pass it off, i thought of my future events either in hell or heaven.

Flashbacks, and memories raced through ever faster than light speed. Regrets and sorrows, joys and cheers couldn't be much important than friends, but without much of a choice choosing these flashbacks, i got jammed in a "space". I looked around, and i saw my dream girl, but who is she? Shes running, faster than ever, like we are racing in a sprint run. I chased and chased...

"AHHHHHH" i looked around, and i saw her again, beside me, back faced me. Shes asleep under the dark shades under the moonlight, i couldn't help but stared at her beautiful back, with long hair and a nicely shaped figure, i blacked out.

Startled, i opened my eyes, and tilted my head up looked around and i'm back to my bedroom. my hands are cold, my body without strength, and i no longer felt pain but fear. fear that i will no longer see the bright sunlight, see my parents, shout at my friends, and love them. i fear that my gone, will bring pain to people whom once told me that they will be sad if i leave this world.

My eyes grew tired, they are closing down yet going up, like in a game of tug-o-war. I'm weak, i'm tired, and i'm restless. I'm strength-less, like a jelly wobbling, prepared to be eaten. I could no longer think well now...

Trickling down my face, was tears that held back for a long while, so this is what others say, the moments before death. I looked around my bedroom, and i saw 3 of my soft toys. I grappled every strength, i had left, and managed to pull the 3 of them into my cuddle, kissed them a last goodbye, and whispered a sweet soft goodbye, "i will miss you" was the last words i said.

(p.s. I'm tired, very worn out. I saw my bed, i fell onto it. I thought i was nearly going to die, when i was suddenly awoken 5 minutes later, realising, i haven't bathe.)

anyways, goodnight.

2009-05-21T19:53:00.003+08:00

LEE! Yes, you are officially have giddiness, fever, and soon enough getting a cold.

Reason why, i was running in the heavy rain. Full drenched, not a single part not WET!

Sick.. gotta work, FYP, UT. Shit man.

2009-05-16T23:46:00.003+08:00

check point.

there is a saying, that when you reached a point of time in your life, that you are so damned with everything, you wanna bother no shit, you just look yourself in the mirror, imaging picking up a gun, and pointing to the head, and pull the trigger dry.

you did nothing, you gave up all prides and shit, you even thought of begging, and for fuck sake Lee, nothing is coming up right at you now.

but still, Lee, you done a pretty amazing job.

at least now you feel like shit, in the future, when you leave this school, you gonna tell people, about your piece of shit pride and joy, that you did fucked up.

2009-05-14T00:20:00.003+08:00

so tired. yawns.

just when you thought that by doing something good,
so just be more concern with your friends,
the world would be a better place.

but nah, u are working too hard for a beautiful world.
lets run from this reality.

2009-05-11T20:10:00.002+08:00

Lee, reality check time.

you saw ur ex-gf opposite your class today, with a bunch of guys, and supposedly one of those guy is her current bf, and you don't dare to look up, cause you are just such a heartbreaker that you didn't even know how to react.

you are in the same class with a girl that you broke her heart several times in the past, and she totally hates you, but yet you miss her often these days.

you are given so much pressure at work, and you got no reason why. worst still, you ain't paid the correct way you are suppose to.

you tried making yourself loved, but being nice, and make really dumb ass jokes, but none cares.

you watched 17 again, and you realized, life is so bad, and that you are gonna miss out a lot in Poly, if you don't get yourself back on feet again. you only have 1 more year to go, and you are going into reality.

i will take down problem 1 by 1, step by step.

checklist done.

I will treat u as anyone, no difference, no special. Beth, i'm tired of you not looking at me, even in class. i don't want this to affect anymore, and it will affect our studies, some day, don't say it wouldn't.
Please, i'm tired, i will treat u like anyone, i won't say things that you don't like to hear, if you don't like it, tell me, so i can change. i'm not asking for anything, i just wanna be your classmate, be it, thats all.

i'm sorry i once mentioned such nasty words to you. making you my no. 1 hate list. i'm tired of school, i'm tired of working so hard, so i can get a good result and get out of here. but i have to do it, with no reason why i'm pushing on. but i want nothing to be a reason why i have already pushed so hard, and give up now.

i will do my best, and treat you as a classmate now, nothing special, nothing of past. once school time is over, let it be ok? i know u been working hard on hating me, but hate me outside class. really.. thanks.

2009-05-10T23:54:00.003+08:00

shhh, dun tell others, but i miss u again today.
if not others jealous. *grins*

well, finally i fell in love with a really pretty girl idol,
with a really really great voice.

and her name is Hayley Westenra.

I fell in love with her beautiful voice.

when i 1st heard, Across the universe of time,
sang along with her younger sister Sophie.

I kept listening to this song, over and over and over again, when i was in China.
the only voice that kept me alive then.

i'm really attracted to girls with powerful voice. nice. ^.^

many singaporeans might not know her,
but she is really famous for her beautiful voice,
and she sings mostly inspirational music,
as such gospel songs, and so on.

1 word, WET.

_________________________________________

yet another day of tiresome at work.

customers that really played my feelings.

moody..

and i daydreamed.. running in the fields, running..

just 2 of us... how i wonder i can keep daydreaming..

yeah, but i'm pretty bastard myself,

its pretty understandable that she wants nothing of you.

so, stop trying to make people's life miserable.

yeap yeap. So i'm so gonna stop here now. no more posting regards to you.

peace out.

___________________________________

i'm looking of the bright side of life now! YES, YES, YES!

2009-05-10T01:57:00.003+08:00

roy you know better, that you should just shut up.

_|_ thats for you, Roy.

sorry for making u feel terrible.
terribly sorry.

well, i was out for a moment, and just got back.

took some really great shots, in the middle of the night.

just a decent low end Digital Still Camera (DSC)

I even tried playing with the moon.

the moon is beautiful tonight.
and the mosquito did have a great time feeding off me.

2009-05-09T23:58:00.003+08:00

why am i missing you again today.

like how i would actually walk the longer way home,
so i can catch a glimpse of your house.

i don't remember and understand why
we are so against one another,
or am i just against u?

i tried thinking of answers and questions,
and i grew tired.

do you guys believe in astrology?
for an example that pisces is running over hills with Saggi.
Do you guys really think it might be true?
man, i wished i can change that fact.

Random: but i kinda had a crazy big wide smile at work today.
because i thought of something really really stupid.

"we are in this place, like you and me only,
you saw me and walked pass,
then i grabbed your arm, give that really really act cool look.
then turn around and hugged you."

trust ah lok to think of that, what a drama action in dramas.
but i did.

i'm so gonna make u an idea, a reason, of why i wanna smile today and everyday.
and stop stressing over how bad my teachers pissed me in IG,
how things always messed up in FYP,
and how customers likes to play with my feeling at work.

you will be the reason for now.
and i will keep trying for a long while.

random again: tonight's moon is nice.
lets go for a walk.

2009-05-08T22:30:00.003+08:00

i'm tired of guessing game.
but actually i believe i'm just living in a delusional world.
i'm just having delusions.

like how much you would check out my frd's blog.
like how much you would ask about my frd thru my frd's frd.
or am i just having delusions.

it sounded so much like me and you.
about our once many long time ago.
or am i just having delusions.

guess i'm tired of guessing games.
i got an intense feeling of missing you.
but i won't tell you nor would i try to miss you.

like u mentioned, its just 1 more year,
i would be nolonger a trouble to you.

"shhh.. shhhh.... shhhhhh....
did you hear that sniffing?"

2009-05-08T00:32:00.003+08:00

i'm very tired.
i'm so pissed with IG, FYP.
i got no energy to carry on.
but thinking of you, it just pushes me harder.
but i want nothing of you,
for fear of hurting you.

i'm falling apart soon.
i don't even wanna open my eyes anymore.
i'm tired... yawwnnn..

2009-05-07T02:02:00.003+08:00

a0s -yrt80try9u'q3phfri[gt0]1t3y
0-3y1tgifh9FU9QE FU
0qfu
qfU fyiw hefW]9G
et!YT-10YR9U3HIND93JD9Qdiweh dfw]GEF]QOW HIFW9FHWE O]9WEFGWE
FWefyWEPI FHWEPI FHWefwPO
EPFHWPOFHWPEO.DCFJ WP/ASDCJ w9JW9

TRANSLATED:

i feel damn pissed with myself.

"a moonlight i wanna catch with u."

2009-05-06T23:37:00.000+08:00

seriously, yet another day of dream.

same person AGAIN!

crap... crap...

its always about the same thing that u said.

i dreamt of u again and again, for me.

would you love someone that u hate? or hated? or tried to hate

GRRRRRRRRRRr

2009-05-05T20:04:00.002+08:00

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

i wish i can shout louder than this.

letters still kept, and read.

each time i read it, one whole piece would end up shattered.

ARGH!!!!!!! help me..

hold me, and don't let me fall.

like you promised.

like i dreamt of your promises, please don't let me go.

i really wish i can just go over and say hi, and start it all over again.

but, you just seem to walk faster than my words can reach you..

ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELP ME!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

saliva harder to swallow
burden heavier,
heart sank.

help me..

if onli i can cut out my heart, blend it, and pour it down the drain.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-05T11:48:00.001+08:00

i had a weird dream last night.

i wish i can tell her what happened.

i dreamt of hugging her.

weirdest dream ever.

so much like since very long did we never talk anymore..

and this kinda shit happens.

now i dun even wanna go up-close to her.

shags.

eating before sleeping really makes u dream like hell does.

2009-05-02T04:30:00.003+08:00

its just an occasional visit,
and i pop by at the wrong day.
letters still kept,
sweets left untouched.

iwouldsay,
a memory i wont forget.
keep hating me
put me in your hate list.
don't erase it,
keep doing it.
i feel better.
would we even talk,
if we ever drop into the same team,
some day..

i really don't know.

2009-04-30T14:49:00.001+08:00

LOK!!!

no more BGR, no more relationship.
no more no more no more..

126/9000.
8.874k left. jiayous.

you are lok, and u have hurt.
stop it.

2009-04-23T14:47:00.002+08:00

yesterday, ah foo said something.. and it kept me thinking..

11:26:07 PM	-ah lok waitingbar	♥SARA	rate me
4/22/2009	11:26:15 PM	-ah lok waitingbar	♥SARA	if u just get to know me
4/22/2009	11:26:22 PM	-ah lok waitingbar	♥SARA	how much u would wan to be with me
4/22/2009	11:26:32 PM	-ah lok waitingbar	♥SARA	and after u know me, like now, how much chance will u give me
4/22/2009	11:26:41 PM	-ah lok waitingbar	♥SARA	base on your understanding
4/22/2009	11:27:25 PM	♥SARA	-ah lok waitingbar	i think ur friends
4/22/2009	11:27:28 PM	♥SARA	-ah lok waitingbar	dont really know u for u
4/22/2009	11:27:31 PM	♥SARA	-ah lok waitingbar	only us
4/22/2009	11:27:45 PM	♥SARA	-ah lok waitingbar	when first know u
4/22/2009	11:27:47 PM	♥SARA	-ah lok waitingbar	think u player
4/22/2009	11:27:50 PM	♥SARA	-ah lok waitingbar	cb kia
4/22/2009	11:27:53 PM	♥SARA	-ah lok waitingbar	all the bad stuff
4/22/2009	11:27:55 PM	♥SARA	-ah lok waitingbar	like flirt
4/22/2009	11:29:07 PM	-ah lok waitingbar	♥SARA	err
4/22/2009	11:29:08 PM	-ah lok waitingbar	♥SARA	ok..
4/22/2009	11:29:10 PM	-ah lok waitingbar	♥SARA	den now?
4/22/2009	11:29:28 PM	♥SARA	-ah lok waitingbar	after know you
4/22/2009	11:29:34 PM	♥SARA	-ah lok waitingbar	ur flirt player all the things
4/22/2009	11:29:40 PM	♥SARA	-ah lok waitingbar	are a way to get close to people
4/22/2009	11:29:41 PM	♥SARA	-ah lok waitingbar	as friends
4/22/2009	11:30:00 PM	♥SARA	-ah lok waitingbar	so u might appear as like a cb
4/22/2009	11:30:03 PM	♥SARA	-ah lok waitingbar	but you re not

after these.. i kept thinking..
am i..
really meh? MMmmm....

2009-04-13T00:47:00.002+08:00

just having a really really huge random thought.

what if you are caught hugging your best friend's boyfriend/girlfriend that you really like/love ever since you knew him/her?

2009-04-12T00:15:00.003+08:00

is the person worthy of you waiting?

if he,

no longer appears, will you wait?

does not love you, will you wait?

I will too.

2009-04-08T23:14:00.000+08:00

can i fall for you?
can i like u?
i dun even dare to talk to u.
i'm afraid...
i'm scared..

2009-04-04T01:26:00.002+08:00

so what..
its just..
right, i miss you.
i dreamt about u.
i can't stop myself from looking thru my messages,
at those messages that u sent me.
but so what, you are still not gonna be mine.
u already had someone else.

i did told myself very harshly that i have to let you go.
to move on, and returning to the past was impossible.
just a random something i thought of,
when i was thinking about you,
because i accidentally fell back in love with you.

ngoh oi lei, was the words that i recite when i was still in my mum's womb.

Je t'aime, was the words that curdled my lonely nights as a baby.

Ich liebe Dich, was the words that taught me abc in pre-school.

Wa ai li, was the words that recite even in the darkest night thru my puberty stages.

Ai ishiteirru, was the words that brings forth my every dreams and happiness.

Sarang hae yo, was the words that puts a smile in my everyday.

Wo ai ni, are the words that hasn't left my heart.

I love you, are the words i wish i can tell you everyday before we go to bed.

_________

its just random words that been in my heart for a long time.
and yeah, to people who really wanna laugh at me. yes
this is the best time, i'm so unattached, and people whom i really love, and lost because of my egoistic, my manliness, my harsh, and unpromising attitude brought upon this.
yes yes, laugh at me.
i thought i can do it.
i thought i can just put it down, and go away.
i'm angry, i'm pissed, but am i suppose to even feel this way?
i did better the few previous time.
just take it as it is another time, and let it off, and go away.
and start a new one.
yeah right, its so easy to be done.
and why i am left out here,
feeling so lonely, and sad.

jiayou jiayou! Roy, u can do it. its just a phonecall away.

*devilishroy* just stay away from ur phone for now.
*angelishroy*just call her, do it!

ok, sorry for that Role Play.

2009-03-24T00:01:00.002+08:00

Yes, so i am fat.
yes, so am i ugly.
yes, so am i a heartbreaker.
yes, so am i being hated, and hates.
yes, so am i a slacker, and does nothing fine.

but does those mean that i dun get love?
like other people out there, ditching others of love.
i learnt a valuable lesson of treasure.

2009-03-08T03:43:00.002+08:00

Damsel in Distress - Whats the guy ver.? mmm..

i have to confess on something,

i did something stupid,

i typed, "How to forget someone",

on the Google Search Bar.

and yes, i have to confess that i did pressed the 1st link.

"How to Forget Someone in 8 Steps| How to do things.com"
this came up.

well, i'm irradicable of a certain feelings for someone,
that i have since long ago.

and i believe that is one thing that is obstructing/hindering my foresight.

Mission : Impossible *with sound effects*

I am so gonna be MI agent, to fight the IMPOSSIBLE.

right, anyways, i'm starting to feel a little attachment.
such a bastard aint i?
well, bitch, get used to it :)

2009-03-07T22:59:00.000+08:00

Sad to say, i realised.

i'm one of those bastards mentioned in my previous post. :)

2009-03-07T00:59:00.002+08:00

i like holding pinkies,
with the one that i love.

i like hugging,
with the one that i love.

i like kissing,
with the one that i love.

i like spending time,
with the one that i love.

i like being myself,
with the one that i love.

to many woman/women/opposite gender of mine:
when a guy cares for you,
dun think that they are trying to be "fresh" with you.
are you gurls so dumb by relation problems and bfs,
that you girls thinks that we guys likes you, dates you, means wanna f you?
no, we just wan friends, it doesn't mean that we want you.
and anyways, quite agreed-able that i seen bastards playing with girl's feelings.
i do agree that they suck big time.
but that doesn't mean guys like us, are like them.
everyone change, whether you give them a chance or not.

Straight-forward, something i picked up recently.

2009-03-06T00:21:00.002+08:00

i have a q.
can anyone who reads this, please ans.

Imagine you looking at a gorgeous opposite gender,
and that person looks at back you,
and look at you, without shunning their eyes away from yours.
what does it mean? Are they interested?

2009-03-04T05:11:00.001+08:00

no one understands.

2009-03-01T21:01:00.002+08:00

I was given a new nickname. Mr. P.

For those who do not know, my name is Guo Rong.

I self given a name "Roy" when i was secondary 1.

Thereafter, you may heard of Guo Nong, that was by my frd, SaraFoo.
Its cameabout was from this particular Jap. Anime La Pi Xiao Xin.
Where the character talks in this particular weird tone that makes Guo Rong sounds like Guo Nong.

And yes, my friends do call me Nong'er, and NO,
i dun turn around when i heard them calling out.

Now, SaraFoo gave me another new name, Mr. P.
Since the date 2009 28th Feb, last day of Feb.

Just to intercept, i was called Roy Lok,
started off by a little tiny tweeny bit of misunderstanding in school.
and yes, i like it, as i take PRIDE under it ^_^.
and No, i'm not that Lok.

anyways, i learning to move out of my past already.
now i'm thinking really hard, for my future.

a man do not need love to survive,
a man should never cry for love. *Nan Zi Han, Liu Xue Bu Liu Lei!*
i got these chicks-flickers in my life,
i'm good enough already.

Jiayou! Study hard!

2009-02-27T23:14:00.003+08:00

Sunflower, once treated by the natives Incaus as Sun God.

its strength, its beauty,

its ability to survive even the toughest weather.

blooms in the strongest sunlight,

absorbing its ray,

shining through out the day.

_________________________

things are just like this.

i try many a time to cover,

but it still leaks.

try again and again.

when there is an entrance, there will always be an exit.

2009-02-26T22:10:00.001+08:00

after tomorrow,

it will be 2 days off for me.

it has been long since i had any day off for weekends.

man, i am so gonna enjoy this weekend,

and make the full use out of it.

any ladies, care for a date?

2009-02-25T21:57:00.003+08:00

the wind blew,
the clouds drew,
time has come,
battle begun,

sail rose,
walls risen,
wine tossed,
comes the blows

within hides the rainbow,
such a beauty behind the caged window.

a very good question.

are friends forever?

would the best-est of friends fight over a girl?

would you hate me, if i liked the same girl as u do?

its so easy to differentiate whats a really best friend,
and a jealous friend.

its quite clear that i see clearly.

till date, i still see empty promises.

till date, i still see none i can speak of truth.

whatever, its time i move on now.

its time, that destiny shows its path.

2009-02-25T01:04:00.002+08:00

i suddenly have this thought.
i like girls who are mature
girls who can control
girls who takes control
girls who actually care to control

Analogy: its just like serving a customer,
when going thru the products/objects/subjects,
we as a server, should leash the customer,
and bring them along, not them leashing us bringing us along.

i like girls who can leash me,
makes me follow her, willingly,

just a random thought.

but i still miss her,
i wonder how she is doing,
even though her heart is not with me,
my heart is pounding for her,
will do, and for a really long time.

2009-02-24T22:41:00.002+08:00

mua miss her.
miss miss miss,
would she miss me?

today saw my ex customer from audio house.
cute "Indonesian" (I guess), pretty too.
when i saw her, i thought for a moment,
where have i seen this pretty lady before.

o, yes, audio house.
pretty lady with that cute attitude,
mua like *SLURPS*.

2009-02-23T23:18:00.004+08:00

i think i am starting to feel weird

suddenly, i start to realize things,
such as the way she act cute
the way she talks,
walks, and the way she looks at me

i believed i didn't took a clean look be4.
words coming out, like a lullaby
actions feels like a dancing angel

i really wish i did initiate a little bit of something.

______________________

o wells,

my this sem result, not good. Z_z

2009-02-23T00:03:00.001+08:00

i messed up..

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

2009-02-22T01:05:00.002+08:00

the gay post,

that was totally random.

Foo's Post Celebration.
lots of pictures.
but i wont upload.
want see some really candid? and "nice" pictures?

msn mua, i send u some really nice classics *winks*

------------------------------------------------

work work work
work until wan die already.

damn it.

life ain't easy. lucky i have some home entertainment.
am watching this show called, 樱野3加1

its a pretty entertaining show,
but rather draggy and slow.

but i like the part that they say,
tell the person that you like/love,
if not, you never ever have the chance.

its pretty profound from the way i see it.
i wanna tell someone i really like/love her.

i did it in the past,
but getting a heartache is just the start of the conclusion.

"mirror mirror on the wall,
tell whose the prettiest of them all?
for none have i seen so far,
but just damned dolls" - Mua(Me)

something to share.
"a person needs love to live,
without love,
its like breathing without oxygen,
like emotions without feelings,
like walking with a blindfold." - my very good friend, Julia.

"It is with true love as it is with ghosts;

everyone talks about it, but few have seen it." -Francois De La Rochefoucauld

ASK
"Ask and you will receive,
Seek and you will find,
Knock and the door will open for you" - Word of God.

some random qoutes,
just some thoughts.

2009-02-21T23:10:00.001+08:00

woman are just so "FAN"!
no, i hate woman

i wan be gay!
i lub guys!

maybe..
there are really good looking cute gay guys out there.

2009-02-21T02:12:00.001+08:00

i just need to be better.
more better
more better.

2009-02-20T01:09:00.003+08:00

當我想起你 - 張學友

this is a title of a song by Jacky Cheung.
A chinese version of Only Love - Trademark.
so beautiful.

everytime i think of you,
i.. get wet.. (MY GOD!!!)

nah, just some teasers,
yeah, life hasn't been all round great.
i got things i want to say,
i want to complain.
but i cannot find anyone.

no one wants to listen
it seems that i have a motormouth,
i just cant seem to keep quiet.
once i'm quiet,
i cant even be bothered. haha!

miss her miss her!
but too bad,
cant miss her too much,
cause she don't miss me. :(

2009-02-19T01:37:00.003+08:00

feb 18th - 19th.

i'm thinking of you.
i do not know why,
i got no idea,
but it seems that i been thinking of you often.

work was so stressful,
i been complaining since day 16th till date,
and the following morning, which is in 8 hours time,
would be last day at the area.

i wanna talk to someone
i wish i can tell someone about everything
and that someone give me a hug,
and says, it will all be well.

well, i thought of you.
you came to my mind often, recently.
smiles came to my face, at the thought of you.
nights got sweeter.

yeah, its impossible between us.
you have someone else already,
but each time i thought about it,
i'm so jealous. it cant be.
i'm suppose to be wishing you happiness.
but yeah..

2009-02-15T00:14:00.001+08:00

whats that ticking sound?
whats that trembling feeling?
whats that quiet tocking sound?
whats that tumbling feeling?

shhh...

shhh..?

shhh!!

don't talk, but listen.
what is that?
why did it happen?

2009-02-14T01:16:00.004+08:00

It is Valentine's day today.
all about love, care and share.
the day where Saint Valentine sacrificed himself,
for the word "love + marriage".

I was with Julia the whole night.

For those do not know who she is,
she is my ex, way during secondary school days.
well, we do bitch about when we talk now.
like some gay bitches, whatever it is.

we hang over at shi-sha(SS), haji lane,
took our time and relax over dinner with PEACH+MINT(SS)
we talked about valentine day,
about past and stuff. so bitchy :)

___________________________________

to beloved:

i looked up the sky,
and i no longer saw your face,
but i knew you are just hiding,
behind those clouds,
behind those burdens,
behind those that you see,
i knew i could still see you.
in my heart,
the flaming eager of you,
still rages fiercely.

time has passed,
like the star turned to dust.
carry me away,
away from this lonely land,
longing have i waited,
waiting for a dream,
a redemption,
to be redeemed.

withlove,
Valentine.

2009-02-13T00:53:00.002+08:00

Tonight, i saw you.
I wasn't tailing, neither was i stalking, nor following.
Well, i do take that route at times, usually around 11, before the bubble tea store closes.

I know its funny, i know you saw me,
but we haven talked since then,
i dunno how i should start a conversation,
and i know i would only make a fool out of myself if i run over and talked.

we never talked in school anymore, our class is just beside/opposite one another.
out of 4 days a week, i mere walked pass you half the time, for the rest, i believed i just looked away.
i wonder what has happened..
it was my childishness i bet.

well, i didn't mean to follow behind you, but just that i saw you of the train station.
my legs carried walking the path i do not usually take unless for reasons.
its just not the bridge, you took route A, i took route B.
What CAN I SAY?
*you cant expect me to run up to her, and say sorry, and kiss her* (so fairytale)

its our mis-communication,
my childishness,
my self-centered attitude tat leaves us hanging,
not enemy, not friend, not even hi-bye.

i dunno.
when i was down the bridge, i walked pass your house, below your block.
well, since the past year, i walked there nearly over 100 times,
each time i remembered one thing.
And that one thing, i haven't stopped thinking till now.
it was tat day after chalet, i walked to you to your doorstep.
it just runs over my head, over and over.
and till now, it is me, that leave a "hate" over your forehead when you see me.

but it is entertaining when i see your joyful and energetic attitude in school!
it amaze me how so much thing crumbles on you, and you can still be so (one word) "Wohoo"
*RESPECTS*

I walked passed, just now, a cool breeze blew by and gone, the breeze smelt like the cool morning breeze in the very morning, we sat at the rocks by the beach.
i still kept your letter, and the strepsil.
I rmb the last time i read it, i had my eyes wet.
The letter is painful.
Well, i dun expect you to read this blog, and den come telling me how much we are friends again.
*wishful*
my last post, the one tat is for you, i know, its very very hurtful? maybe..
guys like me, dun even think about bothering them.

I'm a emotional guy with no sense of humor.
And very much i'm trying to change that.
things haven been on my side recently, and i'm really down on my luck.
not very well.
changed my look, changed myself.
got to be a better man.

And i know you wont be coming round this blog anytime sooner.
so, i would say..
I'm sorry. And Lots of "JIAYOUS" for your work.
And one thing, you are being missed by an old friend you knew from tuition.

2008-12-05T14:48:00.002+08:00

As we grow older together,
As we continue to change with age,
There is one thing that will never change,
My heart that has been detained.

I wrote your name in the sand
But the waves washed it away,
Then I wrote it in the sky
But the wind blew it away,
So I wrote it in my heart and that's
Where it will stay.

Omg, i love Love Poetry

2008-12-05T14:41:00.000+08:00

http://www.hopesingapore.org.sg/christmas08/christmas08.htm\

Hope Singapore Presents, Christmas08.
God loves you!
You should love God too!

2008-12-04T15:18:00.001+08:00

I did Emcee on stage today!

2008-12-01T15:18:00.001+08:00

shit la.

cant forget that 6 digit no. in my mind.

9_6464

2008-11-29T02:39:00.005+08:00

alittle updates on whatever that happened on my bday. sorry for late updates.

on the 21st was out with Lance and gang to Celebrate my bday which is on the 23rd

Well, we went to ICON bar. Near Shenton Way. One word: Hot!

22nd, out with the gang.

Yupz yupz, there they are!

From these 3 above pictures, do you guys see an unfamiliar face? Well, there are suppose to be 2, with anyone of u do not know ah ong. Ong is Qian's bf.

Well, another cute guy in the picture. And that would definetly be Samuel.

and who is he?

A younger brother, belonging to one of my BFF. Yes, 1/4, make a guess.

I have to tell you, it was his 1st time in ZOUK, and clubbing!

And i bet he totally love it! As crazy going as the sister!*insider*

"to the dearest friends that gave a good bday celebration, i appreciated it."

but i guess i missed out more fun than i believe i could get.

_______________________________________________________

Well, she haven't replied my messages, nor has she sent me a bday message,

which i thought she would!!

yeah, kind of sad eh.

but its ok.

life have to go on like this.

My part time says that i can go on without love, but not without friends?

mmm.. i wonder..

now now, to reaffirm myself and friends who are dearly stuck with ur relationship life now.

fret not!

now is not time for relationship, but the time for self-improvement!

we are already old enough, no long in secondary school.

no longer acting all childish and stupid,

saying things to purposely anger other people like a classmate of mine.

She did it on purpose, and i believe, all the time.

But after sometime, i start to realise,

isn't it best for me to tone my anger management?

SELF-IMPROVEMENT! Lets grow up! Lets think about our future,

whats the main focus of my life now?

is it relationship?

is it boobs?

is it love that i need?

booze that waste me away?

or should i work harder to train for what i like?

work even harder to get a better life ahead?

Let us grow up. Be inspired, be smart, and stop being a kid.

2008-11-26T14:54:00.002+08:00

why wont the world listen?

what is wrong with the people?

am i the one being immatured?

or the one being overly matured that people (my generation) cant understand?

it is pretty weird.

so gonna retreat into my nest, and right, fuck u - to the world,

and the people who wouldn't listen but complain,

to the people who just like to put blame on the others.

2008-11-23T04:15:00.002+08:00

There is a video from my BFFs, its the sweetest thing i ever received in my life. Seriously..

I cannot say, how much gratitute, how much thanks i can tell them

Sarafoo, u lost so much sleep, u didn't attend school, because of this?

I dun need this at all, because i got 1 thing i need u all to know, material stuff, aint important.

What is important is the love and care.

I thought u skipped school, and didn't came to meet me, was because of some personal issue, and even blamed u for it. I'm so sorry.

And the rest whom appeared in the video, JQ/Bao/Min.

I just wanna say, THANK YOU.

If it isn't because of u peeps, i would be a nobody, no life, no enjoyment, no happiness, no one to cry out to. I so appreciate all of your attendance, all of your everything. Thank you, thank you thank you.

2008-11-18T11:35:00.002+08:00

there she laid,
on my bed.

her worn out look,
wears me out.

i'm so tired,
but her prescences
makes a difference to the weariness.

2008-11-16T22:45:00.002+08:00

tear me apart.

saw me in half.

piece by piece is left of me.

i'm feeling low, i'm feeling down.

i need a hug, i need a shoulder,

i need something i can rely on.

2008-11-16T22:10:00.002+08:00

well, i heard from my friend that the PP email was sent to everyone.

A mass Spam.

-.-! I happy for no reason!

AHHH! *(&^%&*(*%^$
decoded as: *(&^%$%^*%&*
Decoded again as: F*** C*b K*n

well.. Sorry, due to some of my bloggers being holy and underage,
=D

Weekend was tiring! Working Working Working..

Bday coming ^.^

2008-11-14T16:20:00.002+08:00

Oh my god! Look at this!!

The people from Student Career Centre wants my PP up the gallery!

Wow, what an achievement.

I feel that at last, i done something right for the 1st time.

__________________________________________________

Today, there are 2 secondary school teachers in my class.

They are here to try and adopt to the PBL learning method,

and try to implement some of these skills to their sec. school.

well, its very much impt, that we act exactly how we should.

Well, at the end of the day, the ladies mentioned that they enjoyed my presentation!! WEEE!

Things seems to be brightening and burning up for me now. i will work harder now and now

2008-11-12T23:07:00.004+08:00

like a beautiful swan,
you danced gracefully on the stage.

every defying move you did,
shows courage deep within.

i feel in love instantly,
with the dance i never understood.

Like the moonlight in the sky,
the raindrops from the cloud,
all falling onto earth,
i too,
fell flat with a soft smooth landing,
i call love.

________________________

her immerse energy,
pushed her dreams wide and far.

her pursue,
draws her further into reality.

i saw her energy,
slowly i took myself down and layback.

i shouldn't be thinking,
but what i should do now,
is to fight for MY reality.

such sweet kisses,
i fell in the depth of eternity,
i call it The Love Well.

2008-11-05T22:46:00.002+08:00

我的天是灰色
我的心是蓝色
触摸著你的心
竟是透明的
* 你的悠然自得
我却束手无策
我的心痛竟是你的快乐
*
# 其实我不想对你恋恋不捨
但甚么让我輾转反側
不觉我说著说著
天就亮了
我的唇角嘗到一种苦澀
@ 我是真的为你哭了
你是真的隨他走了就在这一刻
全世界伤心角色又多了我一个
我是真的为你爱了你是真的跟他走了
能给的我全都给了我都捨得除了让你知道我心如刀割

2008-11-04T15:03:00.001+08:00

I"M HAPPY~~!!!

I"M SUPER HAPPYYY!!!

VIVAN's MUM and SISTER said i HANDSOME!!

WOOHOOO!! i'm flying to heaven!

catch me eh, if not i fly away

2008-11-02T02:45:00.004+08:00

Yes,
i found a reason.
a reason to let me lock my past up.
keep it aside, and forget about it.

don't start thinking otherwise.
during my 3 days at work,
i been thinking,
wondering,
wasting my time,
and found a really good reason why i should be there.

I met Kohki Ohba, Kohki-san.
His a jap dude with a pretty bad english speaking ability.
but this guy inspired me, to be a man.
to be someone who wants to be respected.

i found out that i have been living my days in solitary.
yes, i got flings.
i kissed girls whom aint my gf.
i been lustful.
but i know that i am still there in my past.
and now, today onwards, i will try and step out of it.

Kohki-san got inspired to be an Eco friendly guy, and supports strongly on world peace.
he said that he wants to bring US(everyone) together, and put this bond to share our love.
he mentioned that everyone of us is a story teller.
A storyteller that inspires anyone else.
Like an Multi-level marketing,
1 person to spread a word to 2, 2 to 4, and 4 to 8.
I very much understood what he says.
i will heed his advice and be a story teller who tells story of love.
His 38 years old, but but but, he is very much young at heart. Trust me on that.
Well, he suddenly asked me about girls, and steady.
I didn't reveal much about my recent break-up.
i just told him that, since i'm so young,
its time that i buck up on my studies and career preparation.
"When there is career, there will always be love/relationship"
"必有事业，就有爱情" quoted from ah mao.

i believe he left for Jap already, at 12mid 1/11. He says, once he reach singapore, he would give me and another colleague of mine a call, out for a drink. I would miss him dearly.
I believe he will be a reason for me to be a better guy, a better man in life.

Well, to talk about something else.
I'm quite despo now.
Ladies/Gents, if you see the above highlighted sentence, please, dun be shocked.
I'm despo for a good hug and a good love by someone.
No lust, no nuts.
Any kind soul that is willing to love me?! Hello?! Ah..
Thats you right there. YOU!!!!

2008-11-01T00:15:00.002+08:00

恋爱是什么？
奇怪的感觉，
一不小心就会害死人

I used to be very in love.
but recently i been thinking.
now i know who i am thinking of.
i been thinking, been missing, been wishing.
well, i will stand tall, and be a man!

I been working, lately.
At suntec convention Hall, 402.
1/11/08 is the last day.
Its a panasonic display solution show.
Friends of mine passing by this blog and by suntec city, do come down and take a look.
Well, i didn't manage to take a picture of it.
But its really huge, estimated prize going up to 230k (based on Roy's info), possible up to half a mil.
The fun thing about today is, its not fun! Yes! Totally! Boring!!!!!

2008-10-31T00:32:00.003+08:00

i have no idea why i'm feeling this way.
the whole world is falling down on me.
my mental is crushed.
i need a gush,
of blood,
for adrenaline rush.
i feel like killing something,
i feel like devouring things,
i never felt this trapped up before.

and the funny thing is,
i do not know what/why, i'm feeling this way.

i just want a hug.
funny thing is, i had a dream last night.
in the dream, i was a devastated boy.
so much pain even tears would not roll.
then i met this "person", and i just ran towards her to hug her.

den i wake up, feeling devastated.
and the only 1 thing i want now, is a hug.
be it a guy/girl. i just want a hug.
so badly.. i felt like a despo-for-huggies-wannabe.
someone.. any kind soul? willing to let me hug?!

2008-10-22T23:39:00.003+08:00

ineednothingofyou, butonlylovingyousatisfyme

i need to learn.
to grow up!
to be a better man.
my big bro always teach me,
think like a man,
not a boy.
because a man thinks like a man and a boi
but a boi, always think like a boi.

bad points about me:
fat/ugly/stupid/slow/naive/dumb/not a great lover/not a potential man/poor/untalented... etc.

good points about me:
*are there any?*

i got to keep improving,
keep working..
i been working like a whore needs money,
i dun lack cash,
i'm not in debt,
if i'm a little less of a spendthrift,
i might even have savings.
i dunno why..

i have lovers,
i have chicks,
i got friends,
i had dens,
but now i feel i'm alittle lacking of "something"
i wonder what is it?
she?
her?
miss?
mrs?
mdm?
woman?!

he?
Him?
Mister?
*i aint gay*

today i was at this Leica product launch.
for my blogger stalker frd,
if you do not know what is Leica,
its the 1st grade camera's lens in the world.
Very very well known, a history of a 100 years old.
54 yrs of recognition as world 1st class.
well, they have super hot Ah tiong dancers (pretty!).
and 2 pretty hot models, which i was so shy to take a picture with them.

wow, they are hot
really hot. I was having a boner for the whole 2nd session!
Ha lei Luh Yah!

O yah, anyone wanna be my gf? rejected counter : 8 *still counting*

2008-09-22T00:35:00.002+08:00

so.. you got someone else already. well.. i regretted..

连花花公子都会有伤心的时候，心痛的时候。
我现在好难过，好辛苦

for my friends who don't understand, its her.
I let her go, and she left.
She got someone else.

I still have the presents she given me, on me.
Her name, that key.
The key that is suppose to be returned to her, so that she can move on.
But she ready moved on.
i made that decision, so, i should not regret. But i regretted. I regret.

2008-09-15T21:14:00.003+08:00

well, i'm very much home alone.

parents oversea for a month, which a week has just passed.

Brother in camp.

I'm alone at home.. Z_Z..

Lonely.. I am so lonely, i got nobody, to call my own.. Awww!

But its alright.. Gonna get used to this lonesome soon.

My classmates are fun people! And yes, some of them are reading this post now! Yes Eugene, thats u! Vivian, you too! Definetly you!

2008-09-11T20:55:00.001+08:00

This Class, E45J, seems rather active.

Well, we never know the final of it.

And really for sure, i'm not gay, nor am i interested in my classmates.
I have got no idea, why am i part of their RA/RP gossips. (RA - Roy Amanda) (RP - Roy Perry)

Linkless. Z_z